Come Back When You Can

1. These stories don't mean anything, when you've got no one to tell them to

I died.. That's actually true. I died a few years ago. I died in my husband's arms, Alex Karev. But then I came back. I came back to life.. that must have meant something, right?

I loved him very much, no lie. I just had to start over again. I got fired from my job at Grey+Sloan Memorial. (When I worked there, the name of the hospital was Seattle Grace)

When I heard the new name of the hospital, I broke down.. I quickly figured out that "Grey" was for Lexie and "Sloan" from Mark. Because there couldn't be Mer who was dead. Not a single chance. Fine.. she has been closer friends with death than the rest of us, but she always finds a way back. Little Grey and McSteamy are now dead..

I felt so bad, cuz they were my friends. Even though I wasn't spending much time with them during my residency, but still- They were family, just as Meredith, George, Cristina and Alex were.

Meredith, George, Cristina, Alex and I were all in the same group of interns. We went through our internship and residency together. We even stayed at the same house.

I got fired not long after I was cancer free. I knew I couldn't stay in Seattle, so I took a bus to Kansas in hope for better luck there.

It was a hard decision to make. And I also knew I couldn't just walk away, so I wrote a letter to my husband. I explained by the letter the situation as well as I could. I tried to make him understand that I didn't do this because of him or anyone else around the hospital. I did it for me, my career and I figured this was best for everyone involved.

I wouldn't have left Seattle if I didn't have to. This city was my home, the hospital was my safe place. I had my friends here, my family. The ones I loved more than anything. But as I said, I had to-

I cried on the bus.. for hours. I missed the smell of the OR, I missed George and the rest of the interns. I missed the feeling of the scrubs and the way the door sounded.

The trip from Seattle to Kansas took about a day. And it was painful all the way. When I left rainy Seattle, it was like someone took a piece of me and threw it away. But I had to fight against it. A new life was waiting for me on the other side.

When the bus finally arrived in Kansas, I took a deep breath. The fresh air entered my nose and I could feel its way down to my lungs. It was refreshing. I felt hope. Everything is gonna be okay, I told myself. I can do this, we are gonna do this..

I hope you liked it!! And sorry if the English isn't perfect. I'm Swedish <3