Beneath The Surface (teen fiction)

Ivy

"I'm going to pretend like I'm happy when I'm not.
I'm going to say I love life, I mean, that's all I got.
I'm going to smile at the things, that don't even matter.
I'm not sure if I'm confused or depresses, probably the latter...
So I'm gunna pretend like the tears on my face, is just water.
And I'm gunna pretend like the red on my wrists, is just marker.
And I'm gunna pretend that I don't have a single care at all,
Pretend that I'm not on the edge, always about to... fall."

I strum the guitar a few times after that. The lyrics never seem to come out right but when you strum the guitar it really adds to the whole thing. Like, as long as you hear the music, the lyrics don't need to be there.

But, of course, no one understands that. Humph.

Ivy was acting strange today. Sometimes I think she's depressed, other times it just seems that she doesn't have a taste in style. But... she does smile... well I do to, and I'm not Ms. Happy.

--

My mom comes into my room to say goodnight. I lay in bed for 10 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes, then I get out and start drawing and doing sit ups and push ups. I'm not anorexic, I don't think I'm fat, I just really take to being fit, and I work out when I'm bored.

So, while I should have been asleep at 9:30, I went to sleep around midnight. I can never sleep if I have something on my mind, normally it's a test or something, but tonight it's just this nagging voice in my head, telling me things I don't want to hear.

Before going to bed, I sing a few more verses of the song.

"And I don't get picked on, or even laughed at for that matter,
But a voice inside my head, makes all the happiness shatter.
And sometimes it's not what goes on outside, you bully yourself within.
And even though you try to smile, the sadness always seems to win."