Santa sat at his desk reading the latest paper. In actuality it was really his laptop googling the latest Pinup Files. His marriage with Ms. Claus has been going downhill since the Golden Age of Porn since 1969. "Damn, what a pair of tits", he said. "I swear if I wasn't married I would- jumping jahovah!" One of his elves knocked at the door. Santa quickly tossed the paper and his phone out the window before opening the door. "What is it Bernie? You owe me a new phone!" Santa yelled. "Sorry sir, but there's something on the news!"
"So, Coca Cola thinks of replacing me with Brittany Spears, eh?" Santa said. "You know what? Fuck this! It's time. Karen! Get my sack! It's time for a little visit to our folks in Atlanta, Georgia!" He picked up his new smartphone. "Hello? Yeah is this the PR Department for Coca Cola? Yeah this is really Santa Claus, dumbass. Well, ok, Barry, sorry I didn't get you that crutch for your limp back in 5th grade. You must have it so bad and-hello?" He slammed the phone down in frustration. Karen came back with his sack of toys. "They didn't appreciate your tone?" She asked. "No shit, Sherlock," Santa said. "Now, which dickhead on the Board of Directors am I aiming for?" "Larry, sir," Karen said. "He's been on the naughty list since 1972". Santa pulled out a baseball bat from his sack. "And he wanted the Louisville Slugger when he was 9. Oh, don't worry, Larry, you'll get your seasons beatings real soon". "I'll get the reindeer ready sir," Karen said. "And the rabid Bear you found last week"
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On Christmas Eve, 11:00pm, Santa flew his sled on top of the Coca Cola headquarters. With his Christmas magic, he transported right outside the Boardroom. He could hear them laughing about co-opting his likeness for Coca Cola. Thanks to his magic, the violent Bear was hiding in the closet, waiting for his cue. "Think again, Bitch," Santa said. He kicked the door right open.
