Dusk

Chapter Thirteen

After three days of being fed information, I settle down on my bed with Lex and Ezra, eager to be done with it all.

"You don't need to worry so much about remembering everything perfectly," Lex assures me. "You're meant to have amnesia. It's alright if you stumble on things."

"But not too often." Ezra adds.

"Yeah, yeah, I got that," I sigh. "Keep everything in mind. Be believable. Don't be coarse. I'm officially putting away my attitude."

Lex and Ezra nod. I chew at my lower lip.

"Anyway," I begin quietly, "tell me about Neo Rook. You guys haven't talked about him."

Ezra clears his throat. "I didn't know him. I can't say much."

"Say whatever you can." I prod.

He shrugs. "Well, we were in the same year, but I almost never saw him. He was highly guarded. I tried talking to him once."

"What happened?" I ask.

"Oh, I was totally rebuffed. We looked at each other for a second, and then his guards pushed me out of the way. He didn't even look back or apologize, not that he would, of course, because Elites don't apologize for anything. They're very selfish. Manners are hard to come by."

I snicker. "Ah, so that's why you're such an asshole."

"Say that again, I dare you-"

Lex interjects before Ezra can say anything more. "He and I used to spend a lot of time together. I remember being at a party- oh, maybe three or four years ago, now- and he and I stood in the corner, talking."

"What did you guys talk about?"

Lex smiles at me, or maybe at the memory. "He told me he was feeling claustrophobic, and that if he looked like he would vomit, I would have to move away so my dress wouldn't get dirty. He doesn't like people all that much. At least, people he doesn't know very well."

I laugh. "So he has a sense of humour. That's comforting."

"I don't think he meant to be funny about it. He was always a bit awkward." Lex shrugs.

"Maybe you can fix that." Ezra winks at me.

I elbow him in the ribs.

"Anyway," Lex says, moving off of my bed, "You should get some sleep. I'll come get you in the morning. Tomorrow's a very big day."

Ezra stands, too, ruffling my hair. "See ya, Amador."

I wave lazily at the both of them. "Night."

They disappear through the wall into the hallway beyond. I watch until the wall reforms into a solid entity again, and then I roll over in bed, pushing the blankets askew, and stare at the ceiling. Tomorrow, I'll leave for the Inner Ring and the Elite dome. I don't know how much contact I'll have with Idris or Lex or Ezra. If I won't be able to talk to them at all, what will happen? I'll have to improvise, of course, with some help from Robert Sullivan, but how far will that get me? What if Neo sees right through me?

I groan in frustration and toss the blankets aside. "You're too far in to quit now," I tell myself. "No use getting worked up over it. This is for Blake. You'd do anything for Blake."

Reminding myself of my purpose just makes my anxiety worse. It's all going to shit if I fail.

I close my eyes and try to put myself elsewhere. You're not in an underground facility right now. You're... you're in your memories. I imagine Renata, with her copper curls and freckles, and the waning dregs of sunlight slipping into my field of vision. I imagine me as I must have been before the Blot, carefree and happy and less ignorant of the world.