Realization

“Please, don’t leave me. I don’t know what I’d do without you,” she begs him as she looks at his handsome face. Tears are slowly making their way down her cheeks as she holds on tight on his arm.

He looks at her without showing any emotion, and he slowly removes his arms from her. “I can’t. I can’t take it anymore,” he says as he turns his back at her and walks away, and her soft cries turned into sobs.

She runs after him, “Wait, please don’t go,” she begs once more.

“Stop it Kelly, you’re suffocating me,” He says as he continues to walk away without looking back.

Kelly bolts up from her bed with sweat rolling down her skin and her heart pounding against her chest. She looks around her room to see the darkness blanketing everything that she sees, and she watches the shadows of the tree branches swaying with the wind. She lets out a loud shaky sigh before she turns her lamp on from her bedside table. She covers her face with her shaking hands. All of a sudden she starts to cry and her loud sobbing fills up her room.

The same dream has been plaguing her sleep every night ever since the day he left her; the very same day that she told him how much she loves him and that she can’t live without him. It’s not even a dream; it’s more of a bad memory that has been haunting her in her sleep for the past few weeks. Her life hasn’t been the same since then. She isn’t the same bubbly person that she was before, and she has let her grades slip just a little. Sometimes, she stops and thinks to herself that maybe she did something that upsets God and to punish her, He takes the one person she can’t live without. She can’t help but feel angry at how unfair her life has become. She goes to church every Sunday; she has committed herself to Him since she was born. She can’t help but think that she’s being punished for something she has done.

Just like what she has been doing for the past couple of weeks, she cries until there were no tears left for her to cry, and she curls up under her blanket as she slowly falls into a deep sleep.

The next day, Kelly wakes up at the sound of her alarm blaring against her ears. She looks outside and lets out a loud sigh as she sees the dark rain clouds; a sure sign that the day is not going to go great for her. After waiting a couple more minutes, she slowly gets up from her bed and goes about her daily routine.

Halfway through her school day, she feels exhausted; she feels physically and mentally drained. Physically, she’s there, but her mind keeps wandering around, and the fact that she sees him everywhere she looks doesn’t help her case. She knows that she should move on, but how can she move on from the break up when she doesn’t even know why he left her in the first place? He left her without some sort of explanation, and now, she’s left in the dark.

Without paying attention to where she’s going, she bumps into someone hard enough to send her falling down the ground. “Ouch,” she says softly as she slowly gets up.

“I’d say I’m sorry, but you should really watch where you’re going,” a deep, masculine voice says as she picks her stuff up from the ground.

She looks up from where she is, and she is met with the deep blue eyes. She almost gasped, but she stops herself before she could, instead, she continues to pick her stuff up so that she could get away from him. She can feel his eyes burning a hole on her, and she just wants to get away, “Uh, yeah, I’m sorry…I should have been watching where I was going, but my mind wasn’t exactly…in the right place,” she says once she got all her stuff picked up from the ground.

Without looking at him, she walks away. She starts walking as fast as she can to get to the library to get away from everyone. The library is the only place where she can be alone these days. Ever since the breakup, her friends have been taking pity on her whenever they see her, and it’s not what she wants. All she wants is too be alone.

“Hey, wait up,” a familiar voice says before she could even pull the door open to the library. She turns around, only to be met with the same guy from earlier. She feels her face heat up once she saw his eyes looking at her.

“Yeah?” she asks. It’s the only thing that she could get out of her mouth, and she watches him as he gives her a smile.

He holds his right arm in front of him, “Here, you forgot this,” he says as he gives her a small rectangular object; her phone.

She looks at her hand, “Thanks.”

“Mind if I join you? I’m new, and don’t really know a lot of people yet,” he says as he places his hands inside his pockets. She wants to say “no” because all she wants is to be alone, and the last thing she needs is random guy sitting with her.

“Yeah, sure,” she says even though in her head, she’s saying no.

He smiles at her, but she looks away. She walks inside the library, and all the way at the back of the library where there’s an empty table. She sets her stuff down, and she sits without saying a word to him.

“Well, you seem to be in a bad mood. What happened?” he asks as he sits down on the opposite side of her.

“I’m fine.”

He chuckles, “No you’re not.”

She squints her eyes at him, and she crosses her arms across her chest. She stares at him for a moment, and she lets out a loud sigh, “Why do you care?”

“I don’t know. It just seems that something’s bothering you and need to talk about it, but I guess I was wrong,” He says as he starts looking through his bag. He gets his planner out and starts looking at the homework that needs to be done.

She watches him read. She can’t help but be mesmerized by those deep blue eyes. Looking into them makes her feel so lost and that everything is okay.

“My boyfriend broke up with me,” she says all of a sudden as she flips through her book. She can hear that he has stopped flipping through his notebook, but she doesn’t look up.

“Why?” there is a hint of disbelief in his voice so she looks up.

“I don’t know. He broke up with me right after I told him how much I love him and that I can’t live without him,” she tries to say calmly, but her voice cracks.

            She starts playing with her pen in her hand, and she puts her head down on the table. She closes her eyes before a tear could fall. Just as she’s about to fall asleep, he starts talking, “Maybe you were suffocating him? Maybe you’ve become clingy?” Something about what he said makes her sit up straight from her position.

            You’re suffocating me.

            You’re suffocating me.

            All of a sudden, everything just clicked. All of a sudden, she realizes that it was her fault. She had been clingy. She would text him every morning and every night of the day. She thought that she was so in love with him that she couldn’t live without him, but now that she thinks about it, why was she so in love with him? He’s pleasing to look at, and he has all the physical traits that she wants in a guy.

            “Oh” was all she said.

            It’s been two years and Kelly is happier than ever. Matt, the guy she met two years ago, and her are still going strong. There was a reason why she had said yes to him that day in the library, she just didn’t know that he would be the one to make her realize her mistakes. Because of him she realized that it was her fault why her ex-boyfriend left him; she became too clingy. She realized that she wasn’t in love with him and that what she was feeling was just a strong physical attraction. Lastly, she learned to be true to herself. If she hadn’t, she would still be depressed.