Why She Left

Prologue

I looked around the studio and gulped. The stage lights directed at me were blinding. I'm wearing a black cardigan but I can still feel the cold air biting my skin.

Akala ko matapang na ako kanina. I already did a pep talk with Zia. Ate Pam prepped me as well, and Kali gave me a big hug to relieve my nervousness pero, heto ako ngayon at nanginginig pa rin. 

I guess ganito talaga. Kahit gaano ka kahanda. Iba parin kapag yung mismong kinakatakutan mo ang hinaharap mo na.

Dumating si Miss Korina, she's the one who'll be doing the interview. Tipid siyang ngumiti before sitting on the couch in front of me. Her smile was warm but her aura suggests otherwise.

"Good evening Sol, are you ready?" mabait niyang tanong.

"Never po ata akong magiging ready," I answered truthfully as I chuckle nervously. She nodded and gave me a small smile. As if reassuring me na naiintindihan niya ako.

But I know that she won't sugarcoat any of this. I've seen her past interviews and she's always straight to the point. She's one of my favorite journalists to be honest, pero ngayon parang gusto ko nalang tumakbo.

A minute later, the stage director signaled that the camera will start rolling. I can feel cold sweat forming in my palms but I have to face this one. 

This is it. I am finally here.

Miss Korina did her usual introductory greeting. Ipinakilala niya ako sa viewers pero lutang ang isip ko hanggang sa magsimula na siyang magtanong. She started asking about the movie pero puro pahapyaw lang.

I know that that's not what she really wanted to ask kaya mahigpit ang kapit ko sa kaluluwa ko habang hinihintay siyang itanong iyon. 

I wanted to answer as truthfully as possible.

"Everyone is really wondering, Soleil. There are rumors going around but we know this industry. Kaliwa't kanan talaga ang issue lalo na at kakabalik mo lang, kaya ikaw na mismo ang tatanungin ko."

Matapang kong tiningnan ang nag-iinterview even though I can't hear her properly because of the erratic pounding against my chest.

"Let me get straight to the point. Are the rumors true, Soleil? May anak ka na nga ba?"

Napahugot ako ng malalim na hininga even though I expected the question already. Bahagyang nanginig ang tuhod ko kasabay nang di magkamayaw na kabog ng dibdib ko. I pictured the face of my son in my head and regained the confidence.

Bumuga ako ng hangin bago sumagot. 

"Yes po, I'm a proud mother of one."

And even though I have an idea what's the next possible question, halos matumba pa rin ako nang marinig ko na. 

"Then... can we know who's the father?"

Shit!