Cloud of Odds

I'd Still Say Yes

It was just a lazy tuesday afternoon here in toronto, when my niece studying in benilde sent me a message in fb

Momsie Sam, I read a post in facebook and its a guy or he's like a doctor yata looking for a girl. My classmates were reading this post and they are like crying coz the guy is really desperate to find a chekwa named, Samantha Cua. I called daddy and asked him kung this is you ba and he just told me to message you and he just made tawa over the phone. Annoying! Anyways, are you the Samantha Cua this guy is looking for? but I know its really you. Please reply!! No more givenchy for my birthday, just make chika nalang. I'm so kilig here. Can't wait. Reply!!!

I was laughing out loud when I read her message. Kids these days. 

Anyways. How will I start this.. So first things first. Hindi sa P. Noval yung Starbucks na nagkita tayo!!! ‪#‎issue‬ baka naman other girl nakabuhos sa'yo ng coffee in Starbucks sa P.Noval :))

Anyway, these were the things I wanted to tell you but it was left unsaid because I never had the chance to say it to you. The night before we met in Starbucks, that was our engagement party.

I am aware since I was young that I will marry someone, someday. But that night, the night before I met you, I never knew that it will happen so soon. I guess, I can marry my fiance if it's not him. Because the one I am marrying was my bestfriend's boyfriend and I can't hurt my bestfriend just because of that fucking engagement.

When I saw you enter the coffee shop that day, I really felt something magical deep down inside me. Like you were the solution to my problem, like there's this magical thing that happened to me and I can't wait for fate to make the move. I intentionally pour the cup of coffee to your polo to know you, but it was a bad move. I really can't forget the day that I was so blessed kasi sabi ko nga ginawa ko na lahat, pero that day, ikaw pa kaklase ko and I can't.. I just can't let the chance na masayang.

Sobrang daming nangyari, sobrang daming dahilan to fall for you even more. But I wanted to know if my feelings for you was real at all. To tell you honestly, I don't know if I was in love with you or it was just infatuation. But the night after Jake's birthday salubong. Something happened between us. And what happened between us assured me that I don't just love you but I am in loved with you and I really felt that night, the night we shared together, that our feelings to each other is mutual.

That you also love me.. way more.

I know you were there but I am just waiting for you to come over. When we are on our way back to manila, I was pretending that I was sleeping. I was asking a sign na, if it will not rain kinabukasan, I will still fight for you no matter what happens. Kahit ayaw mo, kahit magmukha na akong tanga, kahit itakwil na ako ng pamilya ko, gagawin ko for you.. basta hindi uulan.. I will do anything, but it rained. Pero when it started raining, I don't wanna leave sabi ko pa nga nung ambon ambon palang,

may kinakasal lang na dwende

but nung lumakas na pinapatahan ko yung kapre na humahagulgol na later nalang niya ituloy drama niya kasi it can't be. Hanggang sa basang basa na ako ng ulan that time and nag vibrate phone ko.. Tumakbo ako para sumilong because I was bothered na I thought it was you, but it was my brother.. I don't wanna answer it but I really feel na it's urgent and sobrang nasaktan ako sa sinabi niya sa akin that our angkong is dying.

Sobrang torn ako that time, I don't know if yung iyak ko is for my angkong or dahil sa'yo kasi hindi mo ako sinipot.I still wanted to stay but I can't. Umalis ako and dumiretso ako in Makati Med. I saw my angkong there lying sa room niya, ginising siya nila mommy and nagising naman siya and sobrang iyak ko when he told me

"Jia gei ta" "Jia gei ta" (Marry him. Marry him).

I have no choice but to answer my angkong's dying wish

"Shi de yeye wo hui jia gei ta! Qing buyao si" (Yes angkong, Papakasalan ko siya just please don't die)

Sigaw lang ako ng sigaw, pero hindi niya na kinaya he died that night. After 3 days we flew in Guangzhou right after his body was cremated. I wanted to say goodbye to you before we leave but I did not make it. From that day I thought na we are over.

Tinanggap ko na, na it's my fate to marry him. Na we are not meant for each other kasi ako lang naman ang nagpumilit na it was us and not him. December 27, 2004 it was your birthday and that day is our wedding day.

CI was crying until this moment when I read your message because I remembered our memories together. Ikaw kasi.

But I guess ito na yung tamang panahon na maayos na lahat.. I am so happy for you na doctor ka na. I am now a Canadian citizen and I have now 2 kids and they are twins. I named them after their father. And my kids name are Alexander and Alexandria they are now turning, 7 this September. Yes Alex, the night we shared together, it was the reason why the marriage didn't pushed through. I was 8 weeks pregnant that time. My parents were mad but nandun na'yon, hindi natuloy yung kasal and pinalipad nila ako California. Galit sila saakin but everything seems to be in place again, noong pinanganak ko yung kambal and we just moved over here in Toronto 5 years ago. And I am sorry kung tinago ko sa'yo about our twins because my parents don't want you to know. Wala akong nagawa and I am sorry, I really am sorry.

Inisip ko rin lahat ng isasacrifice mo kung sasabihin ko sayo.. Na since bata ka pa, gustung-gusto mo na maging doctor like your parents and inisip ko na nung niyaya kita to runaway with me na hindi pa natin alam na magkaka-anak tayo, sumuko ka na paano pa kung alam mo ng magiging daddy ka and sobrang nanghihinayang ako kasi dapat sinabi ko sa'yo and hindi ko pinagkait to see and makapiling mo yung mga bata. Dapat hindi ko inisip yung mga what-ifs and I am sorry. I am glad na, you are still into me after all those years, kasi ikaw parin.

I miss you every single day, Dr. Crisostomo and I can't wait to the day that I will runaway with you but now with our twins.

From my heart to yours,

Sam

PS: We are flying back to Manila together with the kids, on the 24th until the 5th day of February to attend my cousins wedding and to see you and accept my friend request. Xx

Samantha Cua