Kissin' in the cold - A Christmas story

Another year, another gray

Disclaimer: I am fully aware that addiction and alcoholism can't and won't be cured by moving away from your support system, isolating yourself. It serves the plot in this case, but I will make sure meetings and therapy are also mentioned. If you are struggling with addiction or alcoholism, please reach out to someone who can be there for you and if any of you ever need to talk, you can always DM me here or on Twitter!💜

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"Amelia, please… Please, marry me."
Amelia strokes Link's cheek, feeling terribly guilty about how she's hurting him, but she just can't bring herself to say yes. It just doesn't feel right. You know what feels right?, the little voice inside her head whispers. The bottle of gin that's laying on the floor of your apartment. A patient of hers gave it to her as a Christmas present and Amelia had no idea of what to do with it, so she left it there, on the floor, and tried to spend as much time as she could away from home in the past few days. It feels like an uncomfortable guest, someone she's known for a long time that came to visit and oh, how she wishes they didn't. She sighs and one little tear draws a wet line on her right cheek. Link wipes it and whispers again: "Please…"
Something snaps inside of Amelia. She looks at his crushed expression and into his teary eyes and all she can see is her own reflection, perfectly visible in the clear blue of his irises. She doesn't look like herself, or at least not like the version of herself she's fought so hard to become. She looks like the little lost kid who crashed her mother's car when she was high on pills. That version of Amelia never made very good decisions. She shakes her head and turns around, ignoring Link's attempts to stop her. It's freezing outside. Amelia breathes in the cold December air and tries to calm herself down as she walks to her car. Driving in that state isn't a great idea for sure, but it is better than staying at his place. It's better to get back to her uncomfortable guest and maybe they could have a little fun, just for tonight… As she goes up to her apartment, she tries not to think of all the people that are going to be disappointed in her. She can almost hear Maggie's voice.
"Why didn't you call me? I could've helped…"
And, even worse, she can picture Meredith's disappointed eyes looking at her, wondering how she could do it. Amelia wouldn't know what to tell her. She doesn't know why she's been thinking about drinking every day of this stupid, long December…
"What am I doing?" she yells, suddenly realizing she has poured a whole glass of gin and was about to take that first sip. "Oh God, what am I doing? What am I doing?"
She tosses the glass onto the floor, scared of her own actions. She looks at it as it shatters in pieces, leaving her liquid poison in a puddle on the floor. Her hands are shaking, her legs are weak and she feels more miserable, hurt and terrified than she's felt in a very long time.

Nick looks at his crazy schedule for Christmas week and sighs, running his hands through his hair. He really regrets not having pulled back on his hours the way he wanted to. It seemed like a good idea to work during Christmas time since Charlotte is spending the holidays with her stupid new boyfriend's family in Tacoma and the idea of cooking dinner for one wasn't at all entertaining. The truth is waiting for people to die so his patients can be saved doesn't sound too entertaining either, but those are pretty much the only alternatives he has. A strong knock on the door distracts him from his overwhelming thoughts.
"Come on in" he says.
"You are an ass!"
He sighs again, looking at the very unwelcome new entry. She's a thirty-something nurse with ginger hair and huge green eyes. Looking at her from his desk, Nick can't help but think that she looks a lot like a clownfish, which makes him wonder what the hell he was thinking when he decided to have sex with her a couple of nights ago. 
"Janine…"
"You are an ass!" the woman repeats in her high-pitched annoying voice.
"I'm sure you're right, but why?" he asks calmly.
"You never called. We had a nice night, we had fun and then you never called, you ass!"
While talking she walked all the way up to his desk and is now looking down at him in what she thinks is a threatening pose. It is taking all of Nick's self control not to burst out in laughter.
"I'm sorry, Janine, I thought I had made it very clear that I wouldn't call when I said I just wanted to blow off some steam and asked if you were okay with that. You said yes, so I assumed you were up for some mindless fun. I'm sorry you misunderstood, but I really wasn't looking for anything more than that."
"I… I…" she stutters, but there isn't really anything left to say. She walks away, leaving the door open as a final way to show her disappointment. He gets up and closes it before starting to pace back and forth. He really needs to stop doing this, all this sleeping around is causing too much trouble. Nick isn't a bad guy, really. He's just someone who gave up on love a long time ago. He tried a few times, but love just doesn't seem to work too well with being a transplant surgeon who overthinks everything and on top of that is raising his niece. Even now that the one woman he's ever wanted in his life is off to college or spending time with a guy that Nick feels compelled to hate by default, he just can't bring himself to try and look for something serious. Love just isn't for Nick Marsh. He knows it, the women he spends time with know it and most of the time he's totally fine with it. But contemplating the Christmas ahead, a lonely, overworked festivity, is just bringing up some feelings and he doesn't dwell well with feelings. He presses his forehead on the window, staring at the snowflakes dancing in front of his window.
I wish I could get away for a few days, he thinks, immediately trying to eliminate this idea from his mind. But these kinds of ideas are a bit like viruses. Strong and persistent.
And just like that Nick finds himself scrolling through the internet for some place to go.
"Christmas for two in New York… No! All I want for Christmas is Vegas… That would be a no as well" he mutters, looking at a few different websites. "This one seems nice, where is it?"
He's looking at a nice, well decorated flat with a big balcony under an ad that says "See the Northern lights in Seattle, WA". Simple but effective, at least to him. He's always wanted to see the Northern lights and, bonus point, Seattle is only a short drive from Tacoma. It wouldn't be hard to get a few extra free days, being that he has tons of personal days saved up, and he could try to convince Charlotte to spend some time together. Maybe he could even meet that boyfriend of hers and, who knows?, stop being so jealous.
Nick is surprised with his recklessness as he sees himself messaging the owner of the flat in Seattle.

Somewhere two thousand miles away a cellphone chimes and a broken Amelia Shepherd picks it up from the table behind her, finally looking away from the bottle of gin. She starts reading the message out loud.
"Hi, I'm interested in renting your apartment for… Oh my…"
Her heart starts pounding and a little glimmer of excitement lights her up.
"Okay, okay… How do I reply? Hi… Yeah, that's good. Hi, the flat is only available for a home exchange…" she says, slowly typing in her answer.

"Home exchange? Is that a thing?"
The reply shows up on Nick's computer a second later.
"Yeah, I've never done it but some friends of mine have. We exchange houses, cars, everything. Where are you from?"
The keys click as Nick writes his reply, not sure of what's driving him to make such a spontaneous decision.

"Say somewhere far… Say somewhere far… Rochester. Oh, that's not that far." Amelia says, pretty disappointed.
Her phone chimes again.
"Rochester, Minnesota."
She finally smiles bright, images of a white Christmas invading her thoughts and making it impossible to be sad, at least for tonight.
Another chime, another message.
"When should we do this? I'm Nick, by the way, nice to meet you! Oh, he sounds nice, what should I say?" she wonders.

"I'm Amelia, it's my pleasure" Nick reads out loud. "Is tomorrow too soon?"
He can't keep himself from smiling a little. He's really doing this, going away for the holidays. He thinks back and he can't think of one single Christmas he spent away from Rochester. There's always a first time, he thinks to himself before answering Amelia's question.

"Tomorrow is perfect."

Author's note
Let me know if you would like to read more… What do you think is going to happen to Amelia in Rochester?