The Tragedy of David David

Chapter 2 - The Plight of Jeff Tatum

"Hey Jeff! What's up?" a familiar voice shouted. I would know that voice anywhere. It was the voice of my best friend, David Davie David.

"Oh hi David, my name is Jeff," I said, flashing a smile. I noticed David falter a bit, that wasn't good.

"Dude, I know your name is Jeff. You don't have to keep telling me that." He said, looking as uncomfortable as a grown man strapped into a child's car seat.

"Yeah, but you know with my brother..." I trailed off. I thought about my brother, Geoff (pronounced GEE-off). He looked exactly like me, like a literal identical clone. Except he wasn't actually a clone. People always confused us, so I had to make sure they knew who I was. It lead to awkward situations usually.

David stared at me with understanding. Or more confusion. I am actually not very good at reading facial expressions. "Well anyway, you'll never believe what happened just now," he said. "Denise, you know, the batshit one. Well yeah she wanted to hang out with me, but she's crazy, so I was not about to do that. So then I had to lie. I said I was going to a funeral. Does that make me a bad person?" Wow, that was a lot of information. David and his crazy antics. It's what made me fall in love with him. And also because of his eyes. They were the beautiful color of blue gatorade.

"Who's funeral?" I asked.

"My fish. I said I had him for seven days. And that I killed him."

"Well did you kill him?"

"No, he just kind of died. He died after three days, not seven. I think I forgot to feed him. I don't think she believed me though."

"What are you going to do if she asks you about it again?"

"I guess have a fish funeral." He sighed. "Then she might stay the fuck away from me. And maybe, just maybe, I can invite Giulia. That'd be sweet." Now he was staring off dreamily, like a person who was having a daydream.

I sighed. I had competition. David's heart will always belong to Giulia, the Spanish/Italian/French(???) girl with skin the color of a cardboard box. Oh well, whatever it took to keep David happy.

"Well, I will help you plan the funeral, David. I'm here for you," I said, caressing his shoulder gently. He inched away, like a really fast inchworm.

"Thanks bro. You're the best friend a guy could have," he said. "See you later." He quickly hurried off.

I looked after him full of longing, like a man looking at an everything bagel after being starved for a week. I would do anything for him, just to get him to love me back. My name is Jeff Tatum, and this is my quest for true love.