Take Three

Part 4 - Kate

[Lights up, KATE is sitting alone at a pub table with a glass of wine]

KATE: [To waitress, off] Thanks, Jean.

Hmmm. Nice... I've really gotten to like this place. I used to drive past on the way home every night and see all the cars and pickups parked outside.  People calling in for a drink and grabbing a handful of relaxation before they head back to the domestic bliss. Looked pretty damn good to me!

So one day, 'bout six months ago I guess, I'm driving past. It's been a hell of a day at the factory and Barry's been chewing my ear off about some stupid invoicing that got lost, and I thought, why not. I could use a little unwinding. I'll just call in for a pop.  It was a hot day and like a jerk I'd been wearing pantyhose. And that drink felt so good... I didn't know a soul in here then, but it was so good to just sit... listen to the music, watch other folks relax, flirt, unwind.

Ken picks the kids up from the sitters so I've usually got a few minutes, and we can always have pizza if the kitchen's a real hellhole.

Y'know, I always used to feel nervous going into a bar on my own. Hadn't had much practice I guess. I sometimes think I've been going out with Ken since I was about eleven. I mean, I often used to go for coffee on my own, in the mall. Or maybe meet other moms and we'd have a coffee while the kids sat in the stroller, ripping up a flyer or something, but that's different. 

Women are supposed to go for a coffee with each other. Exchange tips and recipes, bitch about their families. But coming into a bar, on your own, that's something else. Guys look at you and comment, some of them even whistle if they're in a crowd. But after a while they get to know you, and most of them aren't really jerks. They just act like real jerks. 

But I've gotten used to it. So has Ken. He thinks I work late every Thursday now. Tuesdays, too, sometimes! I guess he knows I've had a glass of wine or two, he aint that stupid. But he never mentions it. Maybe he's doing something himself to take the edge off. Ah well, good luck to him.

It's been two years since I went back to work. Two whole  years, and somehow, I don't know why, but the excitement's kind of worn off. I was supposed to get a promotion this summer, but I didn't go to all the night classes, not like Sheila in marketing. She doesn't have two kids to bath every night. 

I don't know. I guess it's just a helluva lot tougher than I thought. And I seem to be losing out on seeing the kids grow up. Tiffany has to tell me how many teeth she's lost since her last birthday. Christ, a mother's supposed to know all that!  A mother's supposed to be there for chicken pox and diarrhoea! The babysitter knows more about my kids than I do. 

[she cries quietly, then pulls herself together]

They say it all comes out in the end too, when the kids are older. Oh, they don't forget.  It's just, I don't want my kids to end up hanging out in some mall just because I'm trying to make an extra five thousand bucks so's we can drive down to friggin' Disneyland!  That's not what I'm back at work for. I go to work to... to do something useful. To use my brain, my skills and my... shit.

So here I am. Staggering through my thirties, with half a career and most of a family. Why is life such a compromise, eh? You keep hearing people say "You can have it all, yeah, go for it!" but when you do, you leave something else behind. You have to. All or nothing? More like a little bit here and a little bit there. 

Y'know, Brenda and me, we go out for lunch every now and then. Last time we went, a couple of weeks ago it was, we went to the pub across the street. Well, we'd only been in there two minutes when a couple of guys asked if they could join us. Well dressed, they were, business suits, the whole bit. 

So, they set their drinks down on our table and pulled up a couple of chairs. Brenda and me, we were like a couple of teenagers, giggling and blushing and playing with our hair and so on.

It turns out they were in town for some computer conference, flying back east the next day, first thing. So, they buy us lunch and drinks and kept us laughing like kids the whole time. Asked us if we were free for dinner that night, maybe go to a show. Yeah, right. 

We were late back to work, sneaking in through the fire escape. And you know what?  Man, it felt so good. Like opening up an old photo album and seeing yourself as you used to be. As you always wanted to be. Just living and laughing, and not caring about anything, not thinking about anything but here and now. And having a good time. Like we used to...  seizing the day. Seizing the moment. Having fun!

Used to be easier, didn't it? Having fun? And now everyone's always saying it, have a great day, have fun! Have fun at work! Have fun at the pool! Have fun at the dentist! But it gets harder.

What is it that makes us stop being like that? Huh? What is it that makes you suddenly worry about things like pension funds, and cholesterol, and whether to put skylights in the living room, or underfloor heating. Jeez, maturity is so overrated.

So, anyway, a couple of days later, Brenda says we should go out for the night. Go downtown to a club, have a few drinks, go dancing. Yeah, right, I thought, no problem. I just write Ken a note "Working real late tonight, cold pizza in the fridge, see you at two am. Don't wait up." 

We never did go. I mean, I don't want an affair or anything like that. Well, not really. Ok, so I do think about it a bit. Ok, a lot...  well who doesn't, eh? And yeah, I flirt online, sometimes with guys I don't even know. Makes me feel, I dunno, sexy, wanted... But trying to schedule a passionate rendezvous between vacuuming and swim lessons? I'm a pretty mean time manager but hey!

It's funny. Some people get married and right off the bat they know it'll never work out.  They know. And all their friends know, and their parents. Yeah, especially their parents. Or their damn sister. And a few years later it's divorcerooni, all busted up, and they're heading out their separate ways.  Trying again. 

But some people... some people dash off to get married and although it never quite works out, never quite has that shine they thought it should have... they know they'll probably be together for the rest of their lives. Never really happy, but never so unhappy that they'd do something about it. Take another look around. Get a lawyer. Prepare to downsize...

What makes 'em do that? Eh? Hanging in there like that for so long. Lack of energy?  Kids? Yeah. Or fear? Do they think they'd just screw up all over again, maybe worse?  Or is it that starting over, doing your own thing and taking the time to do it right, is it just too much... too much effort. 

It's nice to think that you could do it right, I guess. If you ever had another chance. If you ever made yourself a chance.

Jeez, the time. I'd better be heading back. There's nothing ready for supper, and you can't get near the damn sink for last night's dishes, and there's laundry... 

[To the waitress, off]  No thanks, Jean, I guess I shouldn't.  Well... well, okay then, just a quick one. One more for the load.

[SFX music, fade to BLACKOUT]