Burning Cosmos {A Torchwood Story Three}

13. Do You Remember?

Adam's gone. But whatever he put in Ianto's head isn't.

I sit on the floor holding him silently until Jack comes in. As soon as he sees his lover twitching in fear, he runs and kneels down to hold him.
"What's happened?" he demands to know.
"A...Adam..." I stutter.

Jack's eyes widen, and he runs to the monitor. "It can't be Adam; he was just with me."
I shake my head listlessly as Ianto crawls back to my arm; I instinctively pull him to me. "No. He was here, and he told Ianto... terrible things. I've heard them. And they didn't happen, but I've used the lie detector and it all rings true, and... And Adam showed me something too."

Jack's eyes meet mine. I look deep into them, scaring myself.
"What did he show you?" he asks.
I gulp. "He showed me Gallifrey."

My captain frowns so deeply his eyes wrinkle, and he turns back to the monitors. He clicks away til he finds the CCTV, and gestures us to come here. On it is Adam and Ianto.
"Remember, that's what he kept saying," I say, and in a more panicked tone, "and he kept saying it all day yesterday, to remember. Remember what? Jack, look at Adam's blood samples; Ianto, get his Torchwood profile up."

The men do as I say, rushing about as I look through all our internal footage which confirms my theory. And the lack of blood samples and late creation of a profile seals the deal.
I turn around in my chair to face them. "Adam's infiltrated us. He's not real."

The overhead lights turn on, signalling someone's in for work, and before they can come over I say quietly to Jack and Ianto: "Look, I'm the only one that he hasn't been able to manipulate. I know he uses fake memories through touch to survive. Ianto, you need to cook up some really fucking strong Retcons for all of us, and Jack you need to detain him. I'll handle the rest. Okay? Break."

~∆~

"Our memories define us. Adam changed those memories, changed who we are. And now I have to help you all go back."
I survey my team, once again the leader as they all stare either at me or the table of the conference room. In the background, in my head, I can still hear Adam screaming in the cells.

"Find a memory that defines you; rediscover who you are," I instruct everyone, walking around the room. "Let me take you back, to before we all met. Feel around for anything that makes you what you are, hidden but not forgotten. Know who you are."

Everyone thinks out loud and to themselves. I want to focus on all of them - but I find myself drawn to Owen.
"It's my birthday," he says, inside and outside his mind. "I'm ten. Mum spends the whole day screaming: I love you, because you're my son, but that doesn't mean I have to like you."

My eyes begin to sting and I blink violently, forcing myself to be the strong one. There are things he hasn't told me - I know why.
He continues: "Turning sixteen. She packs my bags. That is the nicest thing you've done for me in years, Mother."

I can't help but let a tear fall. Everything inside urges me to go to him, hold him, tell him I'm here - instead I walk around, giving everyone a small pill. Owen doesn't look up at me, deep in reverie. I'm glad: I don't think I could handle him looking at me like I'm nothing to him.

"There has to be more to life than this," Toshiko says, and I move over to give her the tablet. "Knowing I'm special, waiting for someone to see it."
My baby. I wish she knew, I wish she could see how amazing she is. I would chew off my own arms if it meant she could know.
I put my hand on her shoulder, and she looks up at me. Her cheeks are damp, and mine are close.
"I see it."