Dear God, why did you do this to me?!

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

   Today was the day of Daddy's funeral, and I just wanted to curl up in to a ball and die. But I knew that I had to be strong for everyone that was attending the funeral; for Daddy. For myself. I wrapped a towel around my body and walked through to my room to get ready. After drying myself, I pulled one a pair of knickers and a bra, and then went to my wardrobe, looking at the dresses that I owned, searching for the only black one that I knew I had. I found it, and slipped it on over the black nylon tights I had on. The dress had a sweetheart neckline, thin straps, had a slightly pleated bodice section, and a skirt that was layered mesh and flared out from the waistband. It went two thirds of the way down my thighs. I then pulled on my one-button, black blazer with cropped sleeves, and left the button undone. After, I did my make up, only putting on a little foundation, mascara and a pale pink lip gloss before brushing my hair out. I then put in some small diamond studs, put on a pair of plain black, heeled court shoes, and put my phone, some tissues, and my speech into a small, black clutch.

   When I walked into Adam's room, he was wrapping a tie around his neck and struggling to do it up. I smiled softly at him before walking over to him and taking the ends of the tie from his hands. Round once, then a half, bring it up and slip it under, pull it tight and adjust, I was saying in my head as I did up Adam's black tie. He smiled at me and then lea nt down and kissed me gently on the forehead. I picked up his jacket from on the back of his chair and stood behind him, holding it out for him to slide his arms in to. After I buttoned up his jacket, Adam wrapped his arms around me and hugged me to his chest, telling me that it would all be okay. I just inhaled his scent, trying to keep my mind at ease.

   When we got to the church, there were lots of people there; friends of Daddy's, colleagues, people from in the village, and some of my friends that had met Daddy had turned up to offer me comfort.

   After the vicar had introduced the funeral and all of that stuff, we sang a hymn: Amazing Grace, one of daddy's favourites. Then the vicar said a small piece that I blanked out on before I had to do my speech. I stood up and walked to the podium, my knees shaking and considering giving up on me. I unfolded my speech and looked at the sheet, my neat writing filling the page. I took a deep breath before saying "My father... was a wonderful man, he would always be there for people and do whatever he could to help. I remember him telling me, on a day out before my mother passed away, that... that..." I stopped. My voice was caught in my throat, the words perched on my lips and refusing to be spoken. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I remembered my father telling me why he helped all of the people he did. He told me that he did it because it made him feel like he was doing the jobs that God wasn't able to do, helping those that needed the help. As I thought of this, my knees gave up on me and I crumpled to the floor, tears rolling down my cheeks as I stared at my father's coffin. The next thing I knew, Adam was beside me and helping me up. Once I'd stood up, I ran. I ran from the church, from my friends, my responsibilities, my father, and my fears. I ran along the path in the church that lead to the graves, and found my mother's open grave. Sitting down beside the grave, I began to cry silently, tracing my fingers over the newly chiseled words of the headstone that now held words for my father as well as my mother. I sat and relived the moments when my mother, father and I had been happiest.

   Adam soon came and sat next to me, putting his arms around me and pulling me close as I cried. "I... I can't... I can't see my only other relative... go in to the ground and... l... leave me. I c... can't. Please... don't make me." I said between ragged sobs.

Adam just shushed me and whispered into my hair "I won't make you do anything you don't want to. But I will say that I think you need to see it, to get over it, let the reality of it sink in. You know what I mean?" I nodded. "So, will you do it?" I shrugged. Adam nodded and said "Okay." I continued to cry in to his chest.