cardigan

Chapter Three

But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss
I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs

The third time, they were both drunk and Asami brought up Mako by mistake.

"Shhh," the Avatar slurred, "For once can we not talk about guys."

And honestly, Asami was too drunk to even care about how this conversation was going to proceed. So she just let Korra lay on the floor of her room, her head in her lap, with some Cactus Juice on the table next to them.

"Why not? I think he's stupid for not choosing you."

And maybe she would've regretted it. If she could remember it clearly. About how Korra didn't know how to respond to that question and statement. And she didn't because Asami kept talking.

"I know I'd choose you if I was in his shoes."

Korra laughed. It's been a while since Asami heard that rasping chuckle. And boy did she miss it. The words rung in Korra's ears as she dwelled on what Asami had just said, she thought about them for a moment too long.

She doesn't have the right to think of Mako or Asami like that. And thinking about them was pointless. It didn't matter anymore and her brain had to learn that. There was no future with Mako.

And maybe Asami was right, maybe if she could have chosen Korra the moment the girl returned to her healthy self, she would.

But she wasn't Mako and she didn't get the chance to choose.

Maybe, just maybe if she had a choice.

But Asami couldn't live her life on maybes anymore. Right now, there were only three things absolutely certain to her.

One: "Mako's an idiot."

She announced it amidst the swings of Cactus Juice and inhibited fits of laughter echoing into the quiet and cold night sky, matching Korra's entirely too animated disposition. Her words had proclaimed sometime after her second rant that night about her feelings - and how they ruin everything.

"Asami!" was all Korra could muster amongst struggling breaths as she choked on a sip of Cactus Juice.

"Not that it's any competition, but my girl's cuter," she shot back with a wink and nudge to Korra's shoulder.

And Korra didn't hesitate to reciprocate the nudge, nor did she hold back on the force at which she did so.

"Ouch, Avatar, what was that for?"

"My girl, huh?" she repeated, grinning at the term, reminding herself to tease her about this when they're sober. When she'd regain her senses and when everything would hurt again and a little laughter is something she'll need.

"Yeah, I suppose so."

So they laughed together, and she leaned into the younger girl's shoulder and rested her head in the crook of Korra's neck. Because lately, that had become her favorite thing to do. Her favorite place to reside.

Two: Avatar Korra deserved the world.

Asami was certain of it.

Avatar Korra deserved the world and Asami would grant it to her if she could.

Lately, Korra had become the green-eyed girl's favorite habit. She craved the moments they shared, and longed for the comfort and serenity she experienced in the nearness of having Korra beside her. Asami had grown so fond of the Avatar, and she just couldn't bring herself to imagine her life without her. Or life at all.

A universe without Avatar Korra would surely be a cruel and pitiful place to exist, and Asami thanked the Spirits above for granting her a life with Korra in it.

Korra.

Her sheer presence alone instilled within the girl that absolute certainty that one day everything would be fine. One day, the two of them would be just fine. And that that couldn't come sooner. But right now, nothing seemed fine, and the near future just seemed bleak and quite frankly, kind of shitty.

So when the laughter had settled and the night-kissed air hung heavy around them. As the wind blew its gentle breaths and placed delicate cold kisses onto exposed cheeks and hands, Asami Sato's thoughts seemed to drift

And then, amidst quiet and shuddered breaths a small voice brought her back to reality, "Thank you so much for being here, darling."

Asami flinched.

She'd had expected it. Their sudden intimate interactions, the name calling, the silent whispers in the night, the bond they formed. Maybe she should've said something to Korra when she still had the opportunity. When they'd both been using each other as a small advantage of comfort and pleasure. She had expected something to go wrong.

Yet, she never thought, she'd be the one confused with her emotions.

Three: She really badly needed to kiss Avatar Korra.

It was her drunk brain that clouded her judgment. The urge to do so came immediately after Korra uttered the nickname that almost instantly ignited Asami's fight or flight response in the process.

She never waited for a response, or maybe Asami was just taking too long. 

"Do you think I'll get past this?"

Asami thought it was the most broken thing she'd ever heard escape Korra's lips. And she'd heard some tough and broken confessions from the girl before, amidst quiet nights spent together and words meant only for her.

So, thinking of this, Asami Sato had the sudden urge to destroy anything, anyone in the world that wronged the Avatar so greatly to ever cause her to think such a thing. Certainly, there were days when Asami thought the same question multiple times in her head, feeling ashamed of doubting her best friend's abilities to get better.

But she'd never, never for one second, allow Korra to ever think such abhorrent things.

Naturally, she did the first thing that came to mind.

Sitting there and having a conversation with the girl she was slowly but surely falling in love with and permitting herself to tell her how beautiful and completely worthy of love she was, was entirely off the table.

It's not like she thought that kissing Korra would somehow solve anything, rather, she just needed to kiss her.

She couldn't remember why exactly, it just made sense to her. Because kissing away the pain had become their thing. And Asami wasn't trying to plan on changing that anytime soon. Not now at least, when Korra needed her.

Because Korra deserved the absolute world and Asami would pour kisses upon kisses if it mean that she finally understood just how worthy of everything she is.

So, when Asami Sato leaned in and kissed the lips familiar to one another, she kissed Avatar Korra with everything that she had. Because nothing was more important to them than to kiss away the bad thoughts and bad things that had happened to them.

And because maybe she needed this too, just as much as the other girl.

When Korra welcomed Asami's lips and kissed her back, hard, Asami thought the girl must understand what she was trying to convey. When the kissing didn't stop and neither one of the girls could find it in themselves to stop, painfully thought are abandoned and left on the floor in the dark as their drunken legs made their way onto the bed.

If you listened closely that night, the sounds of hushed moans and sloppy movements could be heard within the walls of the palace corridors as two girls stumbled into a very messy situation.

When Avatar Korra's moans sounded like music to her ears later into the night, Asami thought it was the prettiest sound she had ever heard, those soft moans and sweet whispers of affection, the ringing in her ears, receiving the validation she'd had always craved for.

Maybe her future with Korra won't be so bleak, like the palace walls around them.

And maybe, just maybe, Korra would someday realize that they mean more to each other than just being friends with benefits.