Sanity // s.m. [IN EDITING]

[5]

Shawn

***

"Days like these are the best. Spending time with you is the highlight of my day."

"Yeah?" I sit up and look at her.

"Yeah."

"Well, maybe we should do this more often."

She leans on her elbow, her dark, wavy hair falling behind it and brushing the ground. "Shawn?"

I raise my eyebrows. "What's up?"

She sighs and plays with the corner of my t-shirt. "How are your parents?"

I groan. "Elle, no parent talk. Please."

"I'm worried about you! All of this custody crap has to be getting to you in one way or another, like, I know it got to me. I care about you."

"Then you'll trust me when I say I'm fine."

"I said I care, I never said I trust you," she laughs cutely.

Ever since the divorce of my parents, I've been staying with my mum. But then for a while I went to stay with my dad, and then that led to moving in there, and Mum was not happy about that. She could hardly handle the week I was supposed to be staying there.

So she fought for custody. And now it's a huge battle, still going on. And I can't help but think that none of this wouldn't have happened if it weren't for me. Mum only wanted to send me to Dad's in the first place because I asked for it, and she wanted to make me happy in every way possible.

"I just wish it didn't have to be like this," I say quietly.

"Stop blaming yourself," Elliott whips me on my upper arm, half-joking. "I swear to God, Shawn. It's not your fault."

"I know," I huff.

"Hey," she taps my shoulder. I look at her. "It doesn't stay this bad. Sometimes people just don't understand the promises they make when they're making them."

"Elliot Johnson did you really just quote the fault in our stars."

"It's so truthful though! Isaac should've been the main character or something because he didn't blab about metaphors, he talked about promises and stuff. About love meaning keeping the promise anyway."

She sounded so serious.

"You're something else," I mumble.

"What?" she blows away a loose strand of her hair, shifting her weight on the grass.

"You're making me rethink my entire life. This is what you do to me."

Her eyes meet mine and she stares at my lips for a minute. Her words start to slow down. "You know, if you ever want to talk about it I've. . . I've been through the same thing, you know."

"I know."

"Please don't feel like you can't talk to me."

"I don't."

"Okay."

"Okay."

Then we avert our bodies back, stomachs to the sky, hands on top of each other's as we curiously gazed at the stars.

*

I chase down the street in a hurry, searching everywhere. Looking at every face. My anxiety was beginning to kick in, and I could feel sweat droplets form on my forehead.

"Elliot!" I call.

I run up and down every block, yelling her name like an anthem. Sometimes I imagined her voice answering me and then I see her running towards me, but I knew I was getting seriously delusional because none of it was real.

After who knows how long, I decide it was hopeless and start to head back to the hotel. Seeing Elliot, just seeing her, it was enough.

But also maybe too much. I mean, I didn't tell her what I really wanted to tell her. I was having like a one-sided conversation with myself. And I never got the real second chance I wanted. I just yelled at her until she left.

I get a cab to take me back to the hotel where I sink deep into the duvet, disappointment coming out of me with every breath.

I hear my phone faintly ringing beside me, but for once, I ignore everything. I can't handle a conversation with someone right now. I just want to be alone.

So I close my eyes, shutting everything out, and drift off to sleep.

If I never see Elliot again, well, that might be okay.

***

A/N

Okay so this was a really short update. Sorry.

The flashbacks are just kind of helping develop the story more, that way you're aware just how hurt Shawn was when Elliot left because you see everything they used to have or whatever. I'm not just doing it for fun.

Anyways, I'm gonna try to update a lot more, so don't give up on me yet! (: