Interminable

Day #1

I go back to sleep.

I see myself, running in a white dress, white knee socks falling loosely on my black boots. A brown leather satchel swinging on my shoulder. The grass is so green. I can feel the warmth of the weather hugging my body and the purity of the air through my nostrils all the way to my lungs. I run towards a huge tree where a boy is waiting on a picnic blanket. There are tea, binoculars and books. He smiles as I come close. A woman appears. We have to hide.

I wake up. I cannot seem to remember who that boy was. I do not even remember his face. After a few hours I am sure I will not even remember this beautiful dream at all.

I got out of my room heading to the bathroom, on my way I noticed that the door leading to Amythest's room was ajar. I thought about saying good morning then I saw her perched on the side of her bed, her head down, resting her forehead in her palm and the other hand resting on the bed. I stood in silence. Wondering.

I could make out darkening bruises on the side of her face and fresh cuts on the side of her neck. I was about to go in and ask her what happened when Zenon materialised in front of me causing me a mini heart-attack "Well good morning" he said grinning. "Where are you going?"

"Wow! Good morning. Was just heading to the bathroom?" I said raising my eyebrows. "Um" I started "Is Amythest okay?" I said not sure, if it was appropriate to intervene.

"You better go to the bathroom then, and I should go help Renée with breakfast," he said giving me a wink before he turned and walked towards the kitchen. I turned my head to see Amythest's door closed. She must have closed it while Zenon was here and I did not notice...I think. I cannot help but wonder what's wrong.

I noticed that the bathroom had no mirrors either. I wonder if they ever look in mirrors up here. With all their colours and all there must be a mirror somewhere...I focus on too many unnecessary details. Maybe people just have different decoration ideas. I'm not down there anymore...people don't have to be the same. They are not restricted to having the same things or putting things the same way. People here have a little bit of freedom...even if it may be mixed with fear.

I go to the kitchen later to find them Zenon and Renée eating, "hey!" I said.

"Hope the night didn't bother you too much" the first thing Renée said.

"Uh, I don't think so" I said. Moments later Amythest walked in. I can see the bruises more clearly now... no one drew the slightest bit of attention to her face or neck..., or now that I can see her closely, her arms.

"Good morning" she said smiling. "Ready for a tour today?" she continued

"Tour?"

"Yeah! To get to know the city and all" Zenon started "Amythest and I thought that we should let you know more about how things go around here and that" he said

"Oh, thanks!"

My curiosity is never resting. They are hiding something. How can someone possibly not notice how Amythest is like? I don't think I should interfere with their life, but I'm just curious and genuinely worried. They helped me when I was completely lost and still are helping. My curiosity will be the end of me.

"Ready to go?" Renée said.

"What? You mean now?"

"Yeah!" she started "We have to be back early, remember?" Renée said as she got off her chair and picked up her bag. "Aren't you guys coming too?" I said noticing that Amythest and Zenon are still sitting.

"No, we got some work to do. You go have fun!" Zenon said.

Renée and I...fun...right.

Back to the alley. To the smell of dead creatures, which completely erased any memory of fresh air I have ever smelled in my life. Back to the sounds of our feet squelching in the ground and narrow sticky passages where I have to make the choice of whether to hold my breath and die of asphyxia or breathe normally and die of the smell. I followed Renée while putting a hand on my mouth, nose, and trying not to puke until we got to the main street. "So, where exactly are we going?" I asked her finally able to breathe. Even though air infested with pollution and fog is not any better, my lungs were happy to be working normally again.

"On a tour...?" she said as if I had some kind of learning disability.

"Yeah, I know that already. What I meant was where are we going on that tour?"

"Just walk," she said as she turned her back and started walking.

I tried to calm myself and followed her. It's just a day. Let's not make a big deal of anything.

Everything seems to be unchanged; the streets crowded as ever, the eye commercial is still watching while the people are all avoiding it.

We walked for about fifteen minutes in utter silence. I was, by all means, constraining myself from accidentally starting a conversation with her. My thoughts to myself. Questions to myself. Let us just get this done. We then turned into another alley and faced a nameless shop; I assumed it was a shop since we saw a couple leaving it while stuffing a black plastic bag in another bag one of them was holding. There were windows...but the interior was hidden behind what seemed to be thick black curtains.

'DO NOT ENTER UNLESS AUTHORISED.'

'CLOSE THIS DOOR COMPLETELY', were scribbled in purple on its blood red door.

Renée stopped in front of the now open door "Wait, for me here" she said. I glimpsed a fog much thicker than that of the city hovering inside "Won't be long", she continued then someone yelled from inside so Renée entered and shut the door in my face. What a tour... so much fun I am having here...

I leaned on the wall by the shop then I noticed someone standing on one of the fire escape ladders. "Hey!" I yelled, but he just looked at me and turned his back "Wait!" I cried but he disappeared behind a door.

It was him. I'm sure. But why did he leave? Is he following me? I was about to go after him when I was distracted by the screaming laughter of Renée as she opened the door holding that now familiar black plastic bag. She locked the door behind her, "let's go" she said.

"What was that place?" I asked as we walked out and back to the main street.

"That? That was what keeps me sane here"

"You weren't always here, were you? Like living above?" I said

"True. I wasn't until recently. but now I am and I have found a way to get used to it... you should too."

I think Renée giving me the tour wasn't such a bad idea after all...she doesn't seem like she has been here for long. I'm guessing Amythest and Zenon thought Renée was the best person there is to give me that tour, because she was the closest to my situation maybe...

I want to change how I look and dress, a desire that seemed to be growing more and more by the minute as I watched people of the above wandering around the busy streets. They were fireflies and the city was their night. Giving life to what I once thought was long dead. Maybe that is why an eye is always watching them. They are truly fascinating and I do not think that they realise it.

I do not want to remember anything of my dull life down there, where inert objects were more vibrant than people. Down there, people were only permitted to wear black.

Absence of colour.

I want to start a new life and be somewhere where I actually fit in.

The people here seemed to compete on who is the most creative or unique...I never thought that people could actually be allowed to have hair colour that is not either brown or black. People with red or blonde hair were forbade to keep their hair that way, they had to shave it and wear a wig. Here, people can wear whatever colour they like and however they liked it. They gave me a sense of rebellion. I want to break free. I no longer want a boring black hair or a boring black dress. I'm no longer obligated to conform, I want to feel the colours. I'm not going to veil my soul to any further extent, I want it to be radiating from me.

We kept walking around, Renée occasionally drawing my attention to shops or metro stations. But I was so fascinated by the people that I wasn't tired from walking for long on that unstable rocky ground. Then finally

"Renée" I started

"I want to have my hair the most vibrant shade of tangerine orange," I finally said.

"I also want it cut short," I continued.

This was probably the first and last time I will ever get to see Renée with a facial expression. She had her eyes wide open and her mouth slightly ajar, I wondered if she was having a panic attack or if her face was going to fall apart any moment now because of the sudden unnatural movement in its muscles.