Life After Luc

Chapter One

My alarm clock awoke me at 7:00 am, just like it did every morning. But that hadn't been the only time I had been awake that morning. I had woken up from a dead sleep at 2:47 am, sweating, barely able to breathe. It was the same nightmare that caused me to wake up almost every night. I continuously see him crossing that centre line, the truck barrelling forward, Luc on the ground.

I hated thinking about him that way. I liked remembering him for his kind smile, his caring personality, his hockey ability and love and compassion for everyone around him. He had been through struggles as a kid, and knew how hard it was, so he made sure he was incredibly friendly to everyone he met. He was the kind of guy that liked to live each day to its fullest, and push boundaries. Except on the day he died, he pushed his boundaries just a little too far.

I can talk about Luc being dead with people, talk about his memories and how great he was. I did still have some problems though. The nightmares were one of them. And my inability to move forward with my life, relationship wise. I can't move on. Luc was my first love, and he always be. I want to move on. But every time I find a new man, a voice inside my head keeps telling me that I'm letting Luc down, and that he'd be incredibly disappointed in me. And every time, that voice wins, and I don't call the new man back. Or I have to explain to him my predicament. Most are understanding, but I have had a few that reacted badly.

Every week day is pretty much the same for me. I'm an English teacher at École l'Envolée in Shippigan. It's an Acadian elementary school, so I teach English to first through sixth graders. It's a great job, I love it. I've always wanted kids, and I've always wanted to work with kids, so it made this the perfect job. I got this job in November of 2007. The previous English teacher left on maternity leave, so they hired me as a substitute. When she notified the school that she wasn't coming back in May 2008 (she wanted to be a stay at home Mom), the school offered me the full time position, which I graciously took. I had already made some great connections with the students and teachers, so it was a simple transition. Luc was so happy for me, he knew this is what I had been waiting for.

Shippigan is a hockey town. I'd be surprised to find out if there was a kid who didn't know how to skate. All the kids knew Luc came from their hometown, and a good number of kids at the school knew I was Luc's girlfriend. Hell, I kept a picture of him and I on my desk. Luc was an inspiration to these kids. Some kids walked around with Canucks jerseys with "Bourdon" on the back. But most had Canadiens jerseys. It was a bit weird to outsiders to see kids with Vancouver Canucks jerseys, especially being a city on the opposite coast, but to us, we all understood. Luc had taught some of these kids how to skate, and how to play hockey. He loved giving back to the community that cared so much for him.

I didn't go to work for a week and a half after Luc passed away. My co-workers were worried that I may have come back too early, but I needed to get back to work, try and get back to normal. My first day back, all the kids were understanding and incredibly sympathetic. The kids with Bourdon jerseys wore them out of respect for him. I had never been so proud of my students. Some gave me handmade sympathy cards, some gave me flowers, all were just so sweet. But thankfully, they did give me the time I needed.

By 8:10 am, I was out the door and on my way to work. It was less than a 10 minute drive to work, but I still liked to be there early and make sure I had the day planned out for each of my classes. I was always one of the first cars in the parking lot. Most teachers liked to show up around 8:30 am.

I put my jacket and bag in my closet. I walked around the classroom, making sure it was ready for the kids when they came to class. I wasn't a homeroom teacher, because I was an English teacher in a French school. But it still had to be ready for 9:00 am, just like every other classroom. Once I was sure the class was ready for the kids, I sat down at my desk and began writing the details to my day plan for each class. While working on the day plan for the third grade class, I heard a knock on my door. I looked up and saw a fellow teacher.

"Bonjour Charlene." he smiled at me.

"Hello Olivier." I smiled back.

Olivier Bousseau taught second grade across the hall from my classroom. He had been teaching at École l'Envolée for five years. He had been there for me here when Luc passed. He was my rock here, and there was no way I'd ever be able to repay him for that.

"How was your weekend?" He asked me through a thick French accent.

"It was good, spent Saturday with my parents and my siblings and their families. How was yours?"

"Ehh...it was okay. I went out with a couple buds and played some hockey."

"Did you have a game this weekend?"

"No, actually. My game is tonight if you don't have any plans." He smiled at me.

I knew he was interested in me, and he knew I had feelings for him, but he also knew and understood the feelings I still had for Luc. So he's been waiting.

For two and a half years.

I haven't been stringing him along or anything. I do like him, he's my best male friend. But I'm still with Luc. I never want to lose that.

"You know, I might try and make it down tonight." I smiled at him.

At this point, kids started to make their way into the school.

"Bonjour Monsieur Bousseau!" A couple fifth graders called out to him.

"Bonjour!" He waved to them.

"I guess you should go get your classroom ready." I laughed.

"Yeah, I should. I'm so uhh...not prepared." He spoke with his broken English.

"Well, you better get going then. Oh, where is your game tonight?" I asked as he was leaving.

"Rheal Cormier." He said as he waved good-bye.

My heart sank. Rheal Cormier Centre is where the city of Shippigan put a memorial statue in memory of Luc. I could face it, and I know I could go there. It's just, it looked so real, almost too real.

"Shit, I'm sorry," Olivier walked back into my class to my desk. "I get it if you don't want to come."

"No no, it's okay, I'll be there." I smiled, trying to reassure him.

"You're sure? I'm so sorry."

"Yes, I'm sure. I'll be there tonight, okay?"

"Okay. Puck drop is at 9:00 pm. " He smiled slightly as he left my classroom.

"Sounds good." I whispered to myself.

I couldn't help but feel guilty. I felt guilty for the fact that I felt like I was betraying Luc for even showing interest in someone else, but also felt guilty for showing interest in Olivier, but not acting upon it. I just didn't know what to do anymore.