The Spirit of the Corps » Band of Brothers

53: Just Makes Sense

Thirty minutes of sleep was all Charlie was getting. She'd tried for hours when she'd gotten back to the nearly empty CP and all she'd ended up achieving was thinking herself into a mental spiral. She had lain on the hay with her eyes closed for as long as she could, shying away from flashes of bright blue eyes and a warm smile and hands shoved deep in pants pockets, before she just couldn't take it anymore.

The world outside of the CP was calm. Somewhere around here she knew there was a good amount of Easy Company searching for a company of Germans, and she knew that didn't bode well, but over here the sun was starting to rise and the light was warm. The air was chilly but the breeze was light and the smell of dew was all around her. Though the grass beneath her fatigues was damp when she sat down in it, Charlie didn't care. Somewhere nearby two birds were chirping to each other. Inside, Trigger was sleeping in Autumn's lap.

Charlie tried not to think about the inevitable battle brewing at the crossroads. All she could do was wait to clean up afterwards, prepare herself and make sure she was ready for when it hit. There was no use in worrying but nerves swam in her stomach nonetheless. Her hands pulled mindlessly at the grass around her, tugging but never pulling it out, as her eyes remained glued to the horizon.

At some point Charlie realised Mabs was sitting beside her. She had no idea when she'd arrived.

Turning eyes on her with eyebrows raised in question, Charlie gave a hum to indicate she wanted to know about Alley.

Mabs nodded. "He'll live."

"When is he going to the evac?"

"Couple hours. Perco radioed 'em."

"Right."

They lapsed back into silence and Charlie returned to gazing at the slow rise of the sun. Pale yellow was making way for orange when Mabs spoke again. "Charlie," she started tentatively, and just like that Charlie knew exactly what she was going to say next, "how're you doin', darlin'?"

"I'm okay." Charlie gave her a smile she hoped appeared casual. "Just a little worried about the chaos we might see later, after whatever happens at the crossroads."

Mabs' expression softened. Sympathy filled her eyes. "I meant about..."

Charlie waited for her to say his name, dared her not to; if Mabs didn't have to say his name then Charlie didn't have to speak about it, and heaven knew she didn't at all want to speak about it. She spent her days pretending that she'd forgotten all about him, pretending that she hadn't spent everyday since he'd died forcing herself to think of something, anything, else. Pretending that the reason she wasn't sleeping was stress instead of ghosts.

"James," Mabs finished finally with a resigned sigh. "I meant how're you doin' after what happened to James."

Would there ever come a time when even someone saying his name didn't bring the sting of tears to her eyes? Charlie wasn't sure. She had to look up into the steadily growing brightness of the sky to try to force the tears back, had to swallow hard before she spoke lest her emotion make her voice crack. "I'm okay," she managed to say eventually, though the answer was weak to her own ears. She didn't sound like she meant it at all - and, really, she didn't. But it was always so much harder to lie to Mabs. If there were two people in the world Charlie couldn't hide from, they were Mabel Edison and Floyd Talbert, which made their lives a whole lot easier because neither of them ever let her.

"Charlie," Mabs said, pitying. She faltered and shook her head. "Do you miss him?"

"Of course." There was so much she missed about him. Ever since she'd first met him there had been so much fondness in her heart for him. Everything about him had been gentle. His smile, his touch, his voice, his words, his eyes. Some people had eyes that pierced when they touched you and some had eyes that did nothing at all. James' eyes had always been soft, their bright blue as stable and steadying as knowing the sun would rise and reveal the blue of the sky the next day. And his smile... If he'd known even half of how weak his smile had always made her she was sure he wouldn't have flashed it at her nearly so much for worry about her health.