Pandora's Academy: Blood & Splendor

Pandora 29: Jail of Criminals

ASEL JULES CARSON

"What are you still doing here?"

Inangat ko ang paningin ko nang marinig ang tinig niya. Hindi ko alam kung ilang oras na akong nakaupo rito sa isang sulok, nakabaon ang ulo sa mga braso, at nakatupi ang mga tuhod sa tapat dibdib. Madilim din ang paligid at wala ako ni isang kasama.

Maliban siya.

"Lucy..." banggit ko sa pangalan niya. Napabaon ako ng mga kuko sa braso ko. "I think I'm just fooling myself. See what I was about to do with that girl? I almost bit her."

"But you didn't," sambit ni Lucy at pinagkrus ang mga kamay. Parang bumibilyang pula ang mga mata niya na umiilaw sa gitna ng dilim. "You already know the truth, Jules. You don't need me anymore. I did everything in my power to not barge in and let you be strong and independent. You controlled your own thirst, darling."

"But..." Bumigat ang paghinga ko nang maalala ko muli ang mga nangyari kanina. Naramdaman ko ang panginginig ng mga kamay ko at pagngilid ng mga luha ko."...But what if I lose it again?"

"So what?" sagot naman niya agad. "Jules, your fear of losing your shit started when Creed abandoned you. But you already know that everything's a setup, right? And you are not like other people. Iba ang mundong ginagalawan mo, at dumadaloy riyan sa dugo mo ang angkan ng mga Verlice."

"No, I'm different. I grew up as Jules. Heck, I can't even consider myself capable back when I was Lucinda. I'm not special. I can't control any of this thirst shit. I'm...terrified."

"Last time I checked, Jules isn't afraid of anything except herself."

"I was afraid of you," pagputol ko kaagad pero tumango rin. "But yeah, since you're inside my head, I guess that counts too."

"See? I don't see why your're doubting yourself now. You have that so-called thirst growing up. Why do you think you crave people's pain after beating them to a pulp?"

Napabuntong hininga ako. "You make it sound like I'm overeacting."

"Remember the feeling, Jules." Napakurap na lamang ako nang biglang lumitaw sa mismong harapan ko si Lucy at hinawakan nang mahigpit ang mga balikat ko. Seryoso ang mga titig ng pula niyang mga mata. "You are used to the feeling of blood in your hands. You're a damn monster, it's about time you accept that."

Napapikit ako nang mariin at pinroseso ang mga sinabi niya. Tumayo na ako at inayos ang sarili ko. Napangisi nalang ako at nagkibit-balikat.

Nilagay ko ang mga kamay ko sa bulsa ng pantalon ko at bumuga ng hangin. "You're right. I'm already fucked up from the start. It doesn't matter if my character development would lead me to be more messed up as I was."

"Great. You're finally learning."

Inabot ko ang mga kamay ni Lucy at saka siya tinignan diretso sa mga mata. Hinigpitan ko ang pagkakahawak ko sa kaniya. "Thank you for being here with me, Lucy."

Umiling-iling siya at ngumiti. "Don't be. After all, I'm just a figment of your imagination. This is just how your brain process information. It literally talks to itself."

Natawa ako nang magawa niya pang umirap dahil sa pagbibiro sa huling sinabi. Hinila ko nalang siya papalapit at niyakap sa mga bisig ko. Halatang nagulat siya sa sa ginawa ko at narinig ko pa siyang napasinghap.

"What are you--"

"I have denied you a lot of times before, but you've done nothing but good to me. I don't care if you're just a figment of my imagination or not, I still think that you are real, Lucy. And although I should stop relying on you from now on, I know that if there'll come a time that I'll need you, you'll be there."