It's a sinking feeling I get now.
When I think of you.
In the pit of my stomach
A sink hole so deep and dark it swallows me whole.
I get lost in that feeling.
The sinking one,
Until I can hardly catch my breath and my cheeks are stained.
You'll never know,
About this feeling and what it leaves in its wake.
I push it down
Sink...
Until I'm numb again.
I see your face and I forget,
As it lifts me out of that sunken place.
A word, a hesitation, a disregard of feelings...
It's a sinking feeling I get now when I think of you.
You don't know me as well as you'd like to think you do.
You don't know my past, mostly because you've never asked.
At this point it doesn't matter.
I will pull myself out of this hole.
Dirt in my nails, sweat on my brow, copper on my tongue.
I will treat you as always despite what you've done.
I will allow myself to heal and not relay on your care.
Because although it's here "always" I can't seem to find you there.
