perfect blue | jay park

v.

"You know, you make a pretty good cup of coffee."

Jay sipped at the coffee you'd made for him, and you sat across from him on your couch, watching him. "Thank you," you said, looking at your own untouched cup.

"You know, we've had coffee together so many times now. And I don't think I've ever seen you drink yours." He put down his cup, mirroring you.

"Coincidence," you laughed, and you finally picked up your own cup and took a long sip. "Happy now?"

"Very much so." He smiled into his cup as he raised it to his lips again.

"Should we address the elephant in the room?" you asked, the question finally rolling off of your tongue and lifting a weight off of your shoulders. Since Jay had commented on your blue coat, you both hadn't said a word about it, instead just coming inside. You busied yourself with making coffee, even though Jay had said you didn't need to, and he sat there by himself awkwardly, switching between looking around your apartment and scrolling mindlessly through his phone.

"Probably." He set his cup down again. "It's weird, how it's only one color."

"I told you so!" you exclaimed, "it's... very different from seeing every color. It almost feels fake."

"Not fake. It feels much too real, to me."

You shook your head. "I still don't get why, though. Why can we both see blue again? Why only blue? Why now?"

"Well," he began, "since we both see color now, I think it's pretty safe to assume that it's because we met."

"But we're not soulmates," you interjected, and Jay held up a single finger to tell you to wait a moment, he wasn't done explaining.

"I know we're not soulmates. Officially, at least. But who's to say that we only have one soulmate? We only get one great love of our life, and because ours were cut short that's all we ever get? That doesn't seem fair in the slightest."

"But life isn't fair."

"Always the pessimist," he chuckled, "I guess you're right. Life isn't fair. But maybe, just this once, we're allowed to have pieces of happiness back. You can have platonic soulmates. You have a best friend, right? You love her?"

"Endlessly," you confirmed, "she's everything to me."

"So who's to say that she can't be a soulmate to you, and you to her? I have a best friend like that too. Why can't he be my soulmate as well?"

You pushed your lips into a pout, pondering this for a moment. Ever since you could remember, people had always told you that there was only one soulmate for everyone. Your parents told you that you needed to find the one, because if you didn't, you would live out your days sad and alone and seeing in only black and white and shades of gray. "You're making my head spin," you admitted, "I've always been told that one can only have a single soulmate."

"Yeah?" he asked. "I've been told that too. But you know, I'm starting to think differently about that. Not just after meeting you either. Ever since they died eight years ago, I realized that I've always loved multiple people. It's not like I met my soulmate and all my love ran out." He leaned over a little, hands clasped together as he brought them up to his lips. His voice was muffled when he spoke again. "What do you think?"

Slowly, you said, "I think you're right. And I think us seeing blue again is proof of that."

Jay smiled. "Doesn't it just make sense?"

"It does," you agreed. "But... isn't grief like that too? We never really get over it. It doesn't ever go away completely. We're both proof of that." Jay chuckled here, and you couldn't help but let out a laugh too. "No one can replace our soulmates, no one ever replaces the ones we lose. But we can meet new people and cherish the ones in our lives that we still have, and eventually... the grief shrinks. We surround ourselves with the love that we still have and it helps us heal."

Jay scooted closer to you and you allowed yourself to lean your head on his shoulder. His touch was unfamiliar, but comforting. "That's a really beautiful way to think about it," he said. "And... it's very true as well."

"Isn't it?" you hummed. "You'd been all preachy before, so I thought it was my turn to say something."

"You said it very well," he said, "I approve."

"Oh, good," you replied, and you hesitantly held out your hand for him to take. He placed his large hand in yours and squeezed—a comforting squeeze.

Outside, the sun began to set, the beautiful blue of the sky fading to an orangey-red, though you and Jay would not know this. It hurt a little to see the blue outside fade to shades of gray once again, but you took solace in the fact that the next day it would still be there, and the day after that. There was a new normal for you now, and though you were afraid to step out of your routine, the same one you'd kept since Jake died, you knew that it would eventually all be okay, with your loved ones by your side, you would find your own perfect shade of blue, your own life after Jake.