Thirty-Four

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MJ: Something tells me Thyme's going to be a bit more unhinged today...
Thyme, holding a lit match and a bag of cheetos: Leave me be, Y/N isn't home to stop me, I'm going feral.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Y/N: If you put 'violently' in front of anything to describe your action, it becomes funnier.
Y/N: Violently practices.
Gorya: Violently studies.
Ren: Violently sleeps.
Kaning: Violently shoots pictures.
MJ: Violently boxes.
Thyme: Violently murders people.
Kavin: Violently worries about the previous statement.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Y/N: What are you doing here?
Thyme: I could ask you the same question.
Y/N: I live here. This is my house.
Thyme: I should probably ask you a different question.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Y/N: In case you haven't noticed, I'm weird. I'm a weirdo. I don't "fit in" and I don't WANT to fit in. Have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on? That's weird.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

MJ: Y/N is off at an appointment, so while they're gone, I'm going to cut the sleeves off all of my shirts.
Gorya: Why?
MJ: They're like 90% of my impulse control.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Y/N: I won a new phone in a race.
Kaning: Huh? What kind of race lets you win a phone, Y/N?
Y/N: A race between the store owner, the cop, and me.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Tesla: Hi-
The Fandom: Leave before there's a terrible misunderstanding between my foot and your ass.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Thyme: Hey Y/N, listen, corporate makes us do this every year, but this is just a little manager evaluation form. You just fill it out, let them know how I'm doing, you know?
Y/N: Alright! Uh, "Is your manager manipulative?"
Thyme: I'd say "No" to that if I were you.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Gorya: Don't you have any dignity, Y/N?
Y/N: Uh, no.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Y/N: You gave me up, you let me down, you turned around, and deserted me.
Kavin: But did I make you cry?
Y/N: *cries on the spot*
Kavin: ...Sht.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

MJ, pointing a camera at Y/N: There they are, our sweet baby.
Y/N, holding a cigarette and a beer: What-?

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Thyme: I typed "btch" into my GPS and guess what? I'm in your driveway.
Kavin:
Thyme: Vroom vroom, come out already.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Thyme: Y/N, do you love me?
Y/N: Of course I do!
Thyme: Would you still love me if I did something bad?
Y/N: Well, of course I... would...
Thyme: I mean something really, really-
Y/N: Thyme, what did you do?

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Ren: So, she kissed me.
Kavin: And you kissed her back?
Ren: No, I kissed her mouth.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Thyme: Hey, @Gorya, when you wake up you're legally obligated to agree with me.
Gorya: But I don't.....
Thyme: I don't see why that should be my problem??

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Y/N: Are you reading fan fiction?
Ren, reading an article about extremely rare diseases: Wh- No.
Y/N: Oh, is it on AO3?
Ren: This is CNN.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Kavin: We can't tell you because you're not a member of the club.
Y/N: What club?
MJ: The hating Y/N club.
Y/N: ...The fck? I should be the leader of that club!

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

MJ: I like to think of myself as a semi responsible adult here.
Ren: Kavin is 70% of your impulse control and you know this MJ.
Kavin: I feel like MJ is the more responsible one of us two though.
MJ: We are both 70% of each others' impulse control.
Kavin: Just two lil beasts in pinwheel hats spinning on the merry-go-round at dangerous velocities, holding each other's hands so the other doesn't fall off.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Kaning: So, are you two friends?
Thyme: Yes.
Gorya: No.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Gorya: Hello, my name is Failure, and you're watching my life crumble into pieces.
Gorya: *waves her finger and sings like she's in a Disney Channel intro*

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Talay: Even Thyme and I have been getting closer. The other day, he gave me half of his sandwich.
Thyme: I mistook him for a garbage can.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Kavin: Hah! 69! you know what that means?
Thyme: What?
Ren: That you're a child.
MJ: HOW DID YOU GUESS MY IQ?!?

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Thyme: .. .----. -- / ... --- .-. .-. -.-- (translation: I'M SORRY)
Y/N: What's that?
Thyme: Remorse code.
Y/N: I'm even angrier now.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

*The gang is learning CPR on a test dummy*
Ren: So, assessing the situation. Are they breathing?
Y/N: No, Ren. They are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs.
Ren: No, that's not part of it-
Y/N: Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what kind of quality of life do we have there?
MJ: I would want to live with no legs.
Thyme: How about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, MJ. You don't do anything.
Ren: All right, well, lets get back to it. 'Cause you're losing him. *Y/N pumps frantically* Okay, too fast. Everyone, we need to pump at a pace of a 100 beats per minute.
Y/N: Okay, that's uh, hard to keep track. How many is that per hour?
Kavin: How's that gonna help you?
Y/N: I will divide and then count to it.
Kavin: Right.
Ren: Okay. Well, a good trick is to pump to the tune of 'Staying Alive' by the Bee Gees. Do you know that song?
Y/N: Yes, yes I do. I love that song. *clears throat, begins to sing* First I was afraid, I was petrified.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Ren: This was almost a great idea.
Thyme: You just described 90% of our stuff.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Y/N Hey, wanna hear a funny joke?
Thyme: I only like dark humor.
Y/N, turning the lights off: What do you call a fake noodle?
Thyme:
Y/N: An IMPASTA!

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