Love What You Can't Have

Heartbroken.

I was  sitting at my  desk filling out college applications when Laurie knocked on my door. "Yeah?" Laurie came in. "Your father is here, he would like to talk to you." I faced her. "He is in the study." she closed the door.  I sighed and headed downstairs. I knocked and was told to come in. "Son, please come in and take a seat." I did as I was told. "You and I has had alot of up and downs, lately." "Yes we have." "I wanted to apologize for that, it wasn't fair of me, to guide you in such a wrong way. I see that now." Aries stood. "I get it Father, honestly I do, but you took it out on her, on Phoenix. She has nothing to do with it." "You are right. I was jealous." he said to his son. "Jealous? I am your son, not your competition." "I know that, now, I should be proud of the fact that you want to do great and be apart of the company. I was jealous of the fact that you would be successful and still get the girl." He sat his glasses down. 

"Phoenix is a good girl, and I am sorry to have ruined it for you. I promise I won't invade in any way if things work out between the two of you." "Its to late, there have been to many mistakes, there was other things involved with all this. On my part." I told him looking out the window. "Well, I am sorry for hurting you and her. I am sorry about you losing a child. I would never wish that on someone." I walked over to my father and gave him a hug. He hugged me even tighter. We discussed a trip to Spain, and I decided to join him. I needed time away. 

After my talk with him I headed to the kitchen. "Hello dear." My mom said looking casual. "Hey, you look very nice." "Thank you I was just with Rose and Michelle." "You have been talking to them alot lately." I grabbed a juice. "We became great friends. I take it you talk to your father." "We had a good talk. I am going to go to Spain with him." "I knew you would, it would be good for you to go, get some time away." she continued to look on her tablet. "yeah it would. What are you looking at?" "A new dress for Phoenix?" "Excuse me?" "For her black and white ball after her performance. Rose got her something really nice, but I insisted I get something a little better." "Why would you do that. I mean we are over there is no need." "Aries, I understand what you are saying, but I still adore her and I want to do this. Seeing her today just remembered how much I adore her, she spoke French again." "You seen her? She talked to you?" I sat down in front of her. SHe sat her tablet down. "Yes, she was going shopping with Kourtney why else would Gabe be doing his homework."

"How was she? How did she look?" She crossed her arms. "I am sorry I shouldn't have asked." "She is hiding her pain well. She looks incredible, her waist is so tiny, looks like she doesn't eat though, she is never home and constantly on the go." "Ya I seen she started working at the studio." "Stalking her?" I shrugged. "A little bit. It is hard cutting someone out of your life, that has made such a big impact." "Might be good to get away for awhile." she patted my hand. "I miss her so much. I just wish she would forgive me." "She might. Everyone deserves a second and sometimes third chance." "How about 6,7,8 chances." "Aries, you picked a girl, who is a fighter, and she usually works hard for what she wants, she will fight for you when it is right for her." She kissed his forehead and left. Dimitri came in with sweat on his face. "Hey Father just told me you are going to Spain with him." he grabbed a water, after finishing his run. "Ya we leave in a few days will be back the day before Thanksgiving." I told him. "You guys talked." I nodded. "Good." he slapped my back and left. I got up and headed to my car, I wanted to drive. Pulling out I see Rose's Jeep its Phoenix driving. She pulled in and was taking a large amount of bags from the back of the Jeep and ran inside. Tears started falling and I drove faster. 

I pulled into the cemetery where we first really talked. I sat there for what felt like hours. Smoking cigarette after cigarette rethinking about what she said to me. Did I love her because of the sex, No i didn't. If it was just that, I wouldn't be sitting here constantly thinking about her, Stalking her, watching her in secret. I wouldn't cry everytime I saw her face. She was right, I took everything from her and almost took Julliard away from her.  I was the first one take her virginity, I was the one who took her time, I was the one who took her away from her dancing, and I am the one who took our baby away, since I couldn't control myself. It was hard because look at her. Never in my life, did I care about certain things, but with her it was like a whole new world. Throwing her that big party for her birthday. Drake was right I never did that before. I chased her, I bought her jewelry. I just wanted to keep giving and not answer any questions. I want nothing but the best for her. 

When she came down the stairs in that stunning dress, that fit her so nicely. I lost my breath. It came out so easily. I love you. When she said it to me, my chest burst. I felt good, to hear someone say they loved me. Me the rich kid who had everything and then once he did he fucked it up and it was gone. I ran my fingers through my short hair. 

Seeing her pale and drained killed me. She wasn't waking up, she wasn't talking. Her hand felt differently. I still have nightmares. She won't let me touch her. I need to touch her. Not because I want to fuck her, but I want to make love to her. I stood up and clenched my fists and started screaming. I fell to my knees and just sobbed. I covered my face. The rain started to pour over me. I looked at my wrist that had the same pair of angel wings. I was gonna fight for us. 

I got back into my car and headed home. My mind was made up. We are not giving up on each other. Once I was home. I headed to my room and got out of my wet clothes. I changed into a new pair of shorts and went over to my weight bench and started working out like I use to. I stopped alot of things I use to do before she came along. I was going to start over to and this time I was going to do it and get her back at the same time. If we was going to work out we have to focus on our other goals and achieve them while still being there for each other. I love you Phoenix Jade and I will get you back just watch and see. Yes it is another plan but a plan that will work in all of our favors. I love her so much. I finished my short workout and headed over to the window. It was pasted midnight. There she was standing on her balcony smoking a cigarette now that the rain had stopped.  She was sweat pants and a T-shirt with her hair in a long braid. She still looked beautiful. She doesn't even look up at the house anymore. Her back is either facing my window or she keeps her eyesight straight ahead. I was breathing heavy from the workout. I put my hand on the window. She turned but the cigarette out and went inside. 

She left the doors open, and turned the light off.  I grabbed my hoodie and headed outside. I needed to see her especially since I will be leaving in a few days. I headed downstair and went outside by the pool. I light a cigarette. I smoked a few just to make sure she asleep, it was about an hour later. I crawled over the wall and started climbing up to the top of the balcony. The wind was blowing the curtains. I crept in and found her sleeping. She was on her back her face was toward the window. The blankets only covered her lower half but barley, she took her sweatpants off and was in a pair of booty shorts. Stunning absolutely stunning. Her stomach was exposed. I knelt down, tears fall. Her hand rested on her stomach, like she was still holding a pregnant belly. Her long nails pointed to her two scars, and a new addition. She got the angel wing tattoo that I have on my wrist. Both of them is on the left side. I got close slowly and kissed the tattoo and scars. Tears came faster. She stirred, slight moan and I almost lost it. I slightly touched her one scar again. I was pushing it. I pulled away and looked at her. "I love you." I whispered. She stirred again. I backed out, and was on the balcony, hiding behind the curtain. I looked at her one last time. Then I heard. "Aries." she moved her position and remained asleep.  had to leave at that point. My heart was breaking.

I continued what I said I was going to do. Then my father and I headed to Spain. I kissed my mom and hugged Dimitri first. Then I hugged Gabe, keep an eye on her." I told him. He nodded and we left.