Being Allister Bird

School in Hell

I think I'm becoming addicted to cigarettes. It's fine. It's not a big deal. I breathe in the smokey ash , and rest my head upon the wooden bench behind me. It's seven AM , and I realise with a groan I've slept here, like , all night. An empty bottle of vodka sits underneath me , and I can feel the familiar swell of a hangover hanging over me. A middle aged women with Karen like hair passes me with a deep frown , and I don't exactly have the energy to argue with her. Here I am , a drunk teenager who smelt of smoke and regret. God , I don't even remember how I... Oh. Holy Fuck.
I scramble for my phone , but find it missing from my trouser pocket. I frantically scan my memories of last night , collating the puzzle of What On Earth occurred to make me end up alone on a park bench at seven in the morning.
"Seems you've dropped this" Says a voice , one I assume must be God collecting me for Heaven , but is instead a sweet faced older lady , who was carrying a miniature dog and a phone. My phone. Thank God. I scramble my thank you's , then reach my recent calls. Oh shit. Who did I drunk call? I said something to my dad , and I also phoned Brian from the concert. And then , like a fucking hurricane in a tsunami , I remember everything. Brian and me , rushing into TESCO and buying the cheapest wine we could with my fake id. Me and Brian , racing back to his place in the rain. His hands , pulling open the bottle and feeling lighter then I had in months. Brian , kissing my neck and turning up the rock music with his free hand. Brian , leading me to his room and.... Oh my God. Holy shit. Did we... Did I... but then I find a voicemail from Jimmy , and it's turns out I've been on this stupid bench since midnight. Did me and Brian argue?
I listen to the voicemail;

Hay Lister! Are you okay? You sound drunk. I'm sorry I didn't pick up earlier , I was taking my meds. I know it's late , but comes round whenever you want , okay? Love you bud

My heart aches , and I think I might be sick. He loves me. Probably not like that. But still. He loves me in a friendship way. One reason to pull myself off this bench and go to school , I guess.

Jimmy glares at me as I enter Form , but I don't say a word. I still don't know what I said to him whilst I was drunk , and I'm really hoping it wasn't anything too personal , especially when I catch him and Rowan gossiping about me during break. Maths comes and goes , and then we're subjected to a special lesson simply called Pride , where an overly jolly man in a horribly coloured rainbow shirt tells the entirety of form 9 about how trans people are killed daily and how many lives AIDS took away from us , and I know it's super tragic but his goddamn rainbow shirt is so utterly ridiculous against his words that I burst out laughing. Everyone stares me down , and I try to internally tell everyone that I'm very much not homophobic , but everyone seems to think I'm the second coming of Margret Thatcher. I don't even know. I think I'm still hungover. But Miss.Morrison pulls me out of the room and glares at me. "Allister" She says , her lips pursed and eyebrows furrowed. The classic angry teacher look. "I know boys your age , especially those who like their sports like you do , tend to use words like 'gay' as an insult but I..." Her words eventually drown out as my eyes catch Jimmy , sitting contently in the music room and strumming away on his guitar. His fingers nimbly ushering out the right cords and his tongue sitting delicately between his lips in a sign of firm concentration. "And I have a teenage son , Allister , I know straight boys like you find a tendency to....." Miss Morrison frowns at me then , because apparently I've burst out laughing. I'm pretty sure straight boys don't want to stare with heart eyes at their male best friend in the music room. God , I am such a disaster bisexual. Miss Morrison just sighs. "Go back to class , Mr.Bird , and if I find out you've been abusive to any of the lg...lb....lt..." Miss Morrison looks as ruffled as a bird. "The alphabet people , you know. People I know your type have bullied into trauma before , and believe me sweetie" Her hazel eyes narrow onto mine , and did the room suddenly get warmer or is it just me? "If I find out you or your friends have hurt that sweet music boy I will find you and kill you" I gulp and nod. Like I would hurt Jimmy. Why would anyone hurt Jimmy Kaga Ricci?