Perfect Storm

Chapter 5

Busch Clash Practice Day-LA Coliseum

"Where are you?" I typed on my phone and huffed impatiently.

"On my way. Overslept." Was the reply. I rolled my eyes. My first official day on the job and my driver was running late.

"New ink?" The familiar voice behind me startled me. I realized he was looking at my wrist where I had a pink and a teal ribbon tattooed.

"Yes." I replied, choking down the lump in my throat.

"For your mom. That's awesome." He smiled sadly, but just seeing that smile, I nearly melted on the spot.

I had gotten the tattoo mainly for myself after I finished my chemo, but I was not about to correct him.

"Yes, for mom." I nearly whispered the words. Just being this close to him was doing strange things to my heart and my stomach. He smelled as amazing as ever and his hair was slightly messed up, making me resist the urge to run my fingers through the thick waves.

"I know it's been a year, but I never got to tell you in person, I'm really sorry about your mom. She was an amazing lady." He said, and those words cut like a knife because the only reason he had not said anything in person was because I hadn't let him. I had completely cut him out of my life saying we needed a clean break. It gutted me. I had been in absolute agony dealing with one loss after another and another and another.

"Thank you. I know my dad sent a card, but I do want to say thank you for the flowers. They were beautiful, and also for the donation in her name to the Susan B. Koman foundation. That was very generous of you. You didn't have to do that." I said.

"I wanted to. I loved your mother. I just wish...Never mind." He shook his head, and I could see the sadness in his blue eyes.

I knew I probably shouldn't ask, but I just couldn't help myself.

"You wish what?" I prompted.

"I wish you would have let me be there for you. I still don't understand what went wrong with us, but I would have liked to have been there for you." The pain was evident his his beautiful blue eyes, and I knew I had put it there.

"It would have been too awkward Ryan, and I didn't need that awkwardness with everything else going on." I explained.

"What happened to us Bree?" He finally asked, and that question made my anxiety skyrocket. I knew I could avoid this forever.

"Like I told you Ryan, I started trying to put things into perspective and realized I wasn't ready for marriage and a family like you were. I needed to live a little. To explore new things. Losing my mom made me realize just how short life really is and I needed to experience more of it. It all worked out for the best. You found Laken and the two of you are starting to build a life together, and I..."

"You moved on with Ross." He cut me off, his tone flat.

It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him that Ross and I were not a thing, but maybe it would be easier if he thought we were.

"I'm happy with my life Ryan, and you look to be happy as well. That's all I ever wanted." I said, choosing not to elaborate any further.

I didn't outright lie to him, not this time anyway, I just didn't bother to correct his assumption.

"Why did you cut your hair?" He asked out of the blue, and my hand went immediately to my much shorter locks, self consciously.

"I needed a change." I replied. My typical answer for everything.

"I like it. It looks great on you. Different, but good." He said, almost nervously, fingering the string bracelet on his wrist. That was Ryan, always fidgeting and needing something to do with his hands.

"Thanks." I replied, and spotted Ross making his way towards me. Finally. I couldn't handle anymore of this awkward, forced small talk.

"I have to go Ryan. I'm working, and Ross is coming this way." I said abruptly, leaving him still fingering his bracelet.

*******

Oh what a day. I sighed, finally getting back to my hotel room and dumping an entire airplane sized bottle of Crown Apple from the mini bar into an ice filled glass. I poured a little Sprite into it and stirred it, the first sip making my eyes roll back in delight.

It had been a busy day. With Ross being part of a new team, there were a lot of media obligations to attend. I also noticed several times Ryan watching me, trying to catch my eye. It took everything I had in me not to go to him. I knew coming back was going to be hard, but this was way harder than I ever expected.

I did have a brief, but very sweet reunion with Chase Elliott's girlfriend Zoe,who had been a good friend to me over the past couple of years. It warmed my heart that she was not one of those aforementioned burned bridges, and welcomed me back with open arms, although Chase had been rather cold towards me. Again, I did not blame him. He was just being loyal to Ryan.

Surprisingly, many of the wives and girlfriends that I had been friends with in the past were happy to see me, so I was feeling good about that.

I learned that Zoe was most definitely not a fan of Laken's, especially when she happily notified me that Laken was not in LA this weekend, and she was happy she wouldn't be forced to spend time with her since Ryan and Chase were practically joined at the hip.

Unfortunately, I had to break it to Zoe that I was not getting back together with Ryan, that that ship had already sailed. She wanted to hang out tonight, but I begged off, claiming I had a long day and another one coming tomorrow and I was exhausted. We did however make plans to get together later on during the week before we flew out to Daytona.

It seemed everyone I talked to had expressed their sorrow over Ryan and I no longer being together, and that only raised my nerves and left me wondering if I made the right decision in coming back.

I finished my drink and grabbed the last mini bottle of Crown Apple from the bar. This time, I drank it straight. I needed something to take the edge off. I could not stop thinking about Ryan and I wished I could just throw myself into his arms and tell him everything, but I couldn't.  I could not let him back into my life. It wouldn't be fair to him.

I had just gotten out of the shower and changed into my night clothes when someone knocked on my door. I sighed because I figured it had to be Ross and I already told him I didn't feel like going out tonight.

I opened the door, but it was not Ross standing on the other side.

"What is it Ryan?" I sighed again.

A/N: The character of Zoe was previously name Carrie. Due to unfortunate circumstances I have changed the name. I just didn't want any confusion during later chapters.