Growth And Healing

Chapter 05

Chapter 5
Are we done yet?

Till this point we discussed the process of healing, how to identify the problem and what could develop it. Now we look into the other side of healing. The wrong concepts. How the outside affect the process, such as social media and society. And factors from within. Things we think of and beliefs that will effect negatively on the process.  

First here we start with, the wrong concept of healing. An idea of healing you might believe. The more painful it is, the better I'm healing. now I know I said it could be painful and difficult but the pain I'm talking about here is resistance. In the beginning of healing you will feel like stepping back and feel your brain refusing the change due to fear. Fear of leaving the familiar. What you have to do here is to remind yourself, this change is for better and just because the past is familiar does not make it a good place to stay at. It's like writing the wrong answers in an exam again because they are familiar and not sure about the new answer you thought of. Your brain knows the result and how to deal with it, but it doesn't change the fact you will fail again and have to do all the work again and studying. Same here. Do not resist the change. Go with the waves, let it guide you through all the emotions of fear, sadness, excitement. Feel it all and do not ignore any. 

Another concept going around that might influence the process negatively is cutting off people. Now if they are toxic. Belittle you or make fun of you or make you feel bad about yourself, then yes cut them off. Take that bird point of view and pay a little attention to the people in your life. Who makes you happy? I mean real happiness not pleasure. those who makes you feel better about yourself from within and never make your problems seems less or not important. Stay around these people more. Those around you, influence how you feel about yourself. And if you can't recall such people then befriend with yourself and don't worry you will find amazing people one day. Be gentle to you.   

Now to the most important factor which can fuck up the whole process. Social media. There is nothing more beautiful yet more terrifying thing more than this one. Social media is everyday life practice. When we wakeup, when we are alone or even taking a shit, we would be scrolling down Instagram or something. We tend to follow those who have a lot of followers. You know the funny ones who make silly contact to get views and money. Now we see those influencers and how happy they are or how much money they got. How pretty and perfect. Here comes the plot twist. They are not. They are not that happy nor pretty, and obviously not perfect. 

We only see minutes of their lives. They pretend most of the time to be that happy, for show. While in reality many of them suffer from anxiety or depression or whatever else. I'm not attacking anyone here, I'm just clearing facts. 
And for the beauty part. Plastic surgeries, filters and photoshop. So mostly fake. Do you want to be fake and make those stuff will harm you lately and increase your insecurity and actually expensive? or you can get all that by healthy life style that will leave you hot and healthy at the age of fifty? you chose. 

Now instead of following these people who will never add anything good to your life, why don't you add those who are actually helpful. Like educational pages, fitness and healthy lifestyle and people who are successful for something good.  

When it comes to society it ain't that of an issue. Society have a lot of expectations on both, men and women. You're a man, be strong, be emotionless, be "the man" and more horrifying and nonsense shit. Also same to women, be cute, appear weak, dress this and say that. Blah, blah, blah. What you should do here is, say fuck you and move on. Each part of society will be expecting something and some of these expectations just don't go together. You have to practice the art of ignorance. Say no and learn to say fuck you. If you're a people pleaser now this will be so overwhelming at first. Just a matter of time and you will get used to it. There is no magical potion to do so. You have to force yourself to say no to everything that makes you uncomfortable. 

But all of this we listed above and previous chapters is nothing and will do nothing if you drag yourself down. I'm aware of all the voices and the awful things they say, and all not true. Why are you selfish? because you want to be happy and heal so you become a better person? I don't see what is selfish about that. Why do you believe you're not worthy? Whatever is the answer, whatever that voice is whispering to you right now, is wrong. And if you don't know your worth then create one. People, society nor that crazy guy who smashes every new iphone will give you worth or tell you what's your value. That's something you only can decide. If you believe you are worthless then no one will respect you. If you work on yourself and respect yourself, when you don't settle for less, that's when you will gain respect. And of course all of these are skills, not something to be born with. Skills can be learned and developed. 

A lot of us suffer from anxiety and depression on different levels. Overthinking as well. Let's call them the Karen trio. The three of them comes together. Worry, stress and pressure increase anxiety which leads to overthinking. Overthinking would creates a wave of depression. Now what we do is this. Calm down, we find a way to calm down. Personally when I'm stressed I would make coffee or clean. Find something to calm you down, it could be anything as long as it will not cause any harm because some would smoke or do drugs or something. When you calm down ask yourself what is so important I am stressing myself over? And if it's actually worth worrying like job or family issue then ask yourself, will worrying solve the situation? Absolutely no; fellas if it does then I would've published at lease five books now but it does not so hold your horses mate. 

Now this is just an easy one. sometimes it happens for no reason at all. Like how we mentioned in the biology class we had earlier, that's chemical balance and sometimes it's hard to get it back to a normal state. If that's the case then I recommend you to ask a professional but the least you can do is to find something that makes you feel better about the world and yourself. The secret in managing all that is to ask. and when you answer don't listen to what you feel because you're already feeling low at the moment. So instead, listen to the logical side of you. 

Everything requires time. Time is your friend here. Give yourself and mind time to understand the process. 
Push yourself to start and force yourself to stick to it but that's the opposite of going hard on yourself. Be honest, but it doesn't mean to drag yourself down. Keep everything balanced because in a harsh world with a twisted reality, we are our salvation so take care of yourselves. 

Consider this book a therapist section. Comment an issue or something difficult you've been dealing with and have questions. If you have any information to share, feel free. Anything I forgot to mention or should've included more details about. And I will recommend you two books saved me. 

'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck' by Mark Manson
'The Power of Habits' by Charles Duhigg