Lost and Found

Chapter 25 | Find me

Julia's head almost pounds as hard as the knock on the door. No, wait, louder. The sun shines through the window. She didn't even bother to close the curtains. Let the world see her and laugh like they always do.

She's rolled up in her blanket. The pillows lay spread around her head. One to cry one, one to scream in, one to sleep on, one—as back up.

"Morning. How did you sleep?" Her mother's too cheerful voice calls out as she enters Julia's room.

How did she sleep? Like she doesn't want to exist today. "I think I'm ill," she lies through her teeth. Although, is it really a lie? She hasn't felt this bad since she was too ill to go to school. No, that was a different kind of illness. This ill-feeling is the feeling of being so incredibly lonely that the world stops mattering. She wants to sleep and cry and yell, all at the same time.

To be honest, what she wants to do most is ask everyone what's wrong with her? Why can't she be loved? What is she doing wrong? At least that way, she can improve, or maybe she doesn't want to improve anymore. Maybe she wants to be left alone.

The mattress sinks a little. Her mother's fingers stroke Julia's hair as she hopes her mother doesn't see the stains of tears. Perhaps it looks like sleepy tears?

"How about I make you some tea and toast with butter and jam? You can stay in bed today and rest."

A tear rolls down her face. "Thank you."

"Shhh, it's okay." Her mother wipes the tears from her face. "It's going to be okay, Julia. Just take your rest." The caring of her mother's fingers leaves Julia as her mother gets off the bed and makes what she promised.

Does her mother know? Cecil must know. Did she tell anyone, or does Cecil feel too ashamed to admit she's related to someone like Julia?

Her phone makes a noise again, making her stomach twist. Without looking at the notifications, Julia turns her phone on silent. She's taking a break from people and social media.

For the rest of the Sunday, Julia lays in bed with her mother checking up on her a few times. Robin stopped by, but Julia didn't have the energy to see her. Thankfully, her mother told Robin now was not a good time.

The night greets her outside of her window. Her eyes fall shut again. As she tosses and turns in bed, her heartbeat rises and tears stream down her face. Darkness surrounds her. Silence has never been so loud. Julia is all alone and unsure of where she is. No one sees her; No one comes to help her. Julia screams into nothingness.

Gasping for air, Julia wakes up.

"It's just a dream. It's not real." But what if it is real? Did she scream in real life too? She listens to the sounds of the house, but it stays quiet. Good. She can't handle people right now. She can't even handle herself.

Haunted by her dreams, she tries to stay awake. But trying isn't enough. When she wakes up again, a note lies on her nightstand.

I hope you slept well. Take another day of rest. I called the school and told them you're sick. If you need me, call.

A sigh of relief leaves her lips. She grabs around her. Where's her phone? Checking to time–13.42–she instantly regrets unlocking her phone. Domoor. More than a hundred notifications. She turns the phone back off and tosses it aside.

Stupid people. Stupid world. And most of all, stupid Julia.

Why did she think people would care about her? That she could make friends? She's the difficult, weird girl. She rubs her face and fights back the tears. No! She won't do this to herself. Not today. Today she'll get a break from herself and, most importantly, her mind. Someone else can can take part of the blame today.