The Lout's Mirage | Songfic

❝ i am alone, not lonely. ❞

It was just a simple mocking question.

Just one little silly rhetoric enquiry.

"When are you gonna get a girlfriend?" They giggle. They push each other before telling him that it was just a joke and not take any mind or offence towards it.

Of course, he didn't.

It was not of important, it was unnecessary but Cale doesn't understand why. Why does he need to fall in love? Why does everyone expect him to follow something that he had never thought of in the first place? Why do they always ask that?

Was it because people fall in love earlier here or what? Was he supposed to fall in love when all he knows to do is survive and worry about his family? Was he supposed to act like everything was rainbows and cupcakes after the war had just happened?

He doesn't truly understand how people's mind work whenever it involves around this emotion called Love but he doesn't have time to even decipher why.

Time and time pass by but the question mocks him around like an annoying fly. The loud noises of people chattering, the glass clinks and the music of the ballroom was still evidently there, echoing through from his records.

It almost resembled the way his old team members would have the courage to actually ask him about it, the silent murmurs, the sound of crippling papers and their actions.

To be honest, Cale doesn't really see a point on having a relationship but it didn't mean it wasn't welcome either. He likes to think that all will be due in time. However, a relationship with him also seemed unlikely.

As much as he can see admiration in everyone's eyes, it felt like it wasn't directed at him but directed at him. The him who does justice accordingly, who is confident, who never ever let himself be engulf down into flames.

It was never him, him who was Kim Rok Soo, who was Cale. He who was flawed in every corner, in every direction.

But that did not mean he didn't experience to be in one.

Now, he stands here in the middle of the village. All alone as he stood there with his crossed arms. The children and Choi Han went to the others, they were here in Harris Village to train again.

Cale was dragged over as they realised he was spacing out very often again.

They'd see him grasping the air at times, but it was rare.

Sometimes, they would catch a tear and they would panic.

Cale understood their concern however he just needed something to distract him, that was all. Where nobody could hear him.

That was why he was contemplating right now whether to call that being who sends him off to a white spacious room that somehow appears when he thought of it. It was like a place where you would go when everything is silent and the only thing you can hear is yourself.

To free yourself before you let yourself be freed by them.

With a sigh, he calls out in a whispering manner: "Please, take me to my inner world."

And just like that, his wish was granted as his body faded - he didn't realise that Choi Han was going to take a look at him when his body was suddenly disappearing. In an alert stance, Choi Han panicked as he went back to his other family to tell the news about his disappearance. Everyone had reacted badly and boom boom bakudan happened.

Cale sighs in relief as he appeared in the same place he ought to be.

"Good to be back here," Cale exasperatedly snorts and looked at himself in disbelief, "What am I saying? I hate it here..." 'I just don't like how comfortable it is to let my guard down...' His thought went unsaid.