fatal love

chapter 142

The final Quidditch match of the year - Sirius' final Quidditch match ever, he realised with a bittersweet sting - snuck up on them. It fell on a Sunday, the twenty-first of May, and unfortunately, the day before a full moon.

When Sirius woke up, early and tingling with both nerves and excitement, Remus was already awake, lying next to him and his face scrunched up in pain, the sight familiar after all this time. Sirius' heart sank.

"You don't have to come," he whispered.

"What?"

"The match. Don't come, just stay here and I'll tell you all about it when it's over."

"Oh." Remus' eyebrows furrowed even further as he considered this. "No, it's okay. I want to see you play."

Sirius wavered, feeling both happy and guilty at the same time. "It's not a big deal," he said eventually. "You've seen me play a million times before. And you're more important than a stupid Quidditch game anyway."

Remus turned his head on its side so he could look at Sirius. "But it's your last one..."

"I know. It's alright. Evans and Pete'll be there to cheer me on."

Remus went quiet again for a while, and then shook his head decisively. "No, I'll go. I go to lessons like this all the time, it's fine."

"But Moony-"

"It's not like I'll be playing," Remus interrupted, smiling tightly. "And I want to be there."

"... Okay," Sirius acquiesced, letting himself smile too. "Okay, thank you. I'm going to play extra hard for you, promise, and after we've humiliated Slytherin we'll come back up here and then I'll do nothing but look after you, okay?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Don't need you looking after me, Pads."

"But-"

"I don't need you coddling me."

"Yeah, well, maybe you should just let me anyway!" Sirius huffed.

Remus pulled back, the effect almost instantaneous. "Forget it," he muttered, his face dark, "go get ready for your match."

Sirius sighed. He didn't like snapping at Remus - he probably shouldn't have, he probably shouldn't have said he'd look after Remus in the first place, he knew Remus hated hearing that sort of stuff - but Remus could be so bloody hot and cold. Sirius only had to put his foot in his mouth once, and then he was in the doghouse.

The doghouse. If it was thirty seconds earlier, he'd tell Remus that joke - Sirius knew he'd enjoy it. But it wasn't thirty seconds earlier, and now Remus was in a mood, and Sirius was in a mood because Remus was in a mood, so he rolled out of bed wordlessly, and the curtains fell shut behind him.

He went to go and have a shower, and let the hot water hit his back relentlessly, practically beating the tension out of him. The room filled with steam, so when he stepped out he couldn't see his reflection in the mirror.

Somehow, that didn't matter anymore. He remembered the years where he was insultingly vain and painfully insecure at the same, and he'd spend so long in front of the mirror, veering between preening and seeing her staring back at him. Now it all just seemed rather pointless.

When he left the bathroom, James was up as well, already putting on his Quidditch robes.

"Ready?" he grinned - finally no longer scared on the morning of a match.

"Sure am," Sirius said bracingly, pulling his own Quidditch robes over his head. "You've had us killing ourselves the last couple of months, no way we don't win."