Love Songs

Chapter Six

Jessica - Monday, 1:45pm.

"Are you even gonna talk to me?" Shay was saying from outside my door. I'd stormed off after she'd given me all that shit at lunch, and Allie was still off chasing Darius while Matthew was chasing her. I was alone, or at least trying to be, but Shay was relentless.

"No," I said. "I don't want to hear what you have to say."

"Even if I have to say I was wrong?" she offered.

Giving up, I opened the door. "What do you want?" I asked.

"Let me in," she pressed.

I sighed and retreated into the room, allowing her to follow.

"God, it's clean in here," she commented.

"What do you want?" I snapped.

"Look," she began. "I'm sorry, okay? You don't like me. I get it."

"I'm sorry it was so hard for you to accept that," I said bitterly.

"I have to admit, it's a new sensation," she said. I didn't laugh. 

"Look, I'm a cocky bitch, okay?" She tried again. "I'm sorry. I'll let it go. You're straight, and Saturday was just a game. I believe you."

"Good," I said. 

"Are we cool?" she asked, and I wondered why she even cared.

"Yeah," I finally caved. 

She exhaled, sounding relieved, and turned to go. 

"But you're still a cocky bitch," I said, half smiling, before she left.

She turned back around to see me. "Whatever you say," she smiled back. Then she was gone.

_________

Allie - Monday, 1:45pm.

I sat on a crate in the corner of the music room, waiting for Darius. I could have left. We'd brought all the music in. I served no further purpose here. But, after all, he'd said he'd "meet me in the music room." So clearly he wanted me to be there, waiting for him. Right?

A couple of times I got up and made my way towards the door, but each time I sat back down. I couldn't do it. In a few minutes he'd be coming through and it'd all be worthwhile.

Upwards of thirty minutes later, the door swung open. 

"Whoa, Allie," he said, sounding surprised to see me. "You're still here?"

I filled with sheer anger, but supressed it all and forced a smile. "Yeah," I said. "I was just making sure you didn't need anything else before I go."

"Nope, I'm all good," he said. "Thanks."

He sat down at the piano then, and played a few notes. I was pretty sure I'd just been dismissed, but I'd waited too long for me to go, just like that, having gotten nowhere with him. I didn't want to admit that I'd just sat there waiting for him for half an hour, all in vain.

"Did you write that?" I asked, trying to get closer to him.

"Yeah," he said, smiling. "It's about a girl I met here."

"Who?" I asked, all too quickly. 

He smiled, looking me in the eye. "A special one," was all he said.

I wanted to believe he was talking about me. My mind told me that maybe he was. Could it have been? I mean, the way we'd bumped heads in the car, the eye contact we'd made, the way he smiled at me sometimes...could it have been?

"Does she know how you feel?" I asked, trying to dig deeper.

He shook his head. "Sometimes I wonder how she couldn't."

"Why aren't you going for it, then?" I asked, realizing that if he wasn't talking about me, it would be the nail in my coffin.

"I don't think she feels the same," he said. "There's a lot keeping us apart."

There was a lot keeping us apart. Seven years. Maybe he was talking about me after all. Maybe he thought that I was afraid of being with him because of the age difference.

"You might be surprised," I said. "She might be dying to be with you."

He smiled. "You think so?" 

"Yeah," I said. "I do."

I noticed the clock hit 2:30, which meant I had to go back to my room and get ready for my afternoon lessons.

"I have to go," I said, starting towards the door. I'd missed my lunch hour and another free hour, all for him, but somehow I didn't mind. It seemed as though everything I'd hoped to have with him might be coming to fruition.

"Thanks for the help," he said. "With the sheet music and otherwise," he smiled.

I smiled back, hoping to God that he felt for me one ounce of what I felt for him. I wanted to embrace him, and tell him how crazy I was for him, and stay with him all night.

But I settled on, "Don't mention it."

___________

Jessica - Tuesday, 9:15am.

 "I don't know, Al," I said as we stretched that morning in dance. "He could be into you."

"Is it crazy to think? I mean, I know he's older, but I can't explain the way he looked at me. And all that vague language about the 'special' girl? I mean, I don't know. I just felt like he was talking about me."

"Anything's possible," I offered. "I mean, why shouldn't he like you? You're pretty, you're smart, you're funny..."

"But I'm sixteen," she reminded me as we both slid into a right split, facing one another.

I waved a hand, making it seem like less of a big deal than it was. "Darius is only twenty-three."

That's when I heard a scornful laugh from above us. We looked up simultaneously, to see Bella stretching at the barre.

She didn't make an effort to appear as though she hadn't been eavesdropping. "You have a crush on Darius?" she scoffed, easing into a difficult stretch, probably just to show off.

Allie exhaled, and I immediately felt bad for using his name.

"Please don't tell him, Bella," Allie pleaded. "Please."

"I won't tell," she said in an innocent high-pitched voice. "It's very cute. You're like the little girl who has a crush on her big brother's friend or something."

"You don't need to condescend, Bella," I said, giving the kind of edge I usually reserved for Shay Thaller and my parents. "You're only a grade above her."

"Yeah," she said, her eyes looking bored. "And he's only six or seven," she said before walking away.

"She's just jealous, Al," I said as if it were any consolation to the fact that I'd just divulged her secret, somewhat singlehandedly. "We both know how she feels about him."

"Well, here's something you don't know," Allie said bitterly. "Darius ditched me for half an hour to smoke with her yesterday."

I'm sure my eyes went wide enough to pop out of my head. "Smoke what?" I asked.

"Cigarettes," she said. "Relax."

"Oh," I said, sighing in relief. "But still, ew."

"Whatever," she said. "I'm just saying, even though he says they're just friends, she's way closer to him than I am."

"Keep your head up, Allie," I said in an attempt to be supportive. "If it's meant to be, it'll happen."