The distilled air in the room, reeks of whiskey; stepping through the door, Radhaji wrinkles her nose in distaste. She halts, the sight of her only son, slouching on his favorite red couch, holding a glass of whiskey between his hands, brings tears to her eyes. Bile rises in her throat as she thought the days of watching her son get roaring drunk is well in the past. She couldn't have been more wrong.
Radhaji scolds herself, how could she have ignored the distance that has developed between Rishu and Madhu? She claps her hands over her mouth, to squelch the cry of anguish threatening to escape. Why did she think it's not her place to interfere in her children's lives as they destroy it with their own hands? As their mother, isn't it her duty to make sure her children, though grown, are happy and healthy? She watches RK in one swallow, gulp the glass full of whiskey, or colorless poison as she likes to think of it, and pour more from his mini decanter. Radhaji wonder if God is punishing her for being a self-absorbent mother. She has seen her Rishu be his best, loving self with the nurturing love from Madhu. Her bahu gave her son the kind of love she could not give to her son and turned him from a manchild to a man. Perhaps she is being selfish but she needs to bring her Rishu's love back, so she can die happily knowing he is being the man he is meant to be; a warm, kind, generous, loving husband and son. But to do, Radhaji must show this son of hers that she will no longer tolerate his immature way of handling his issues, by filling his gullet with his poisonous whiskey.
Holding firmly on to her resolve, Radhaji marches up to RK and snatches the glass, half full of whiskey and furiously throws it on the floor. He looks up at her, perturbed, but decides to ignore her and the mess that she has created on the floor. Shrugging his shoulders, he reaches over to the glass, coffee table and grabs the flask. Feeling even more enraged, Radhaji knocks it out of his hands; contents of whiskey splashing on him and the rug as splinters of glass scatter on to the hard floor.
RK sighs and wearily stares up at Radhaji, the red veins in the white of his eyes, prominent. One look at her militant face and he knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that his maa wants to discuss a topic that he wishes to avoid like the plague. He just can't handle it tonight.
Why can't she just understand that he needs to drink so he can waylay the demons that haunt him day and night? He is past salvation, at the point of no return. Only when he is drinking, can he stand to really look at the man in the mirror. And even then the image staring back at him, just induces hysteria and repulsion. So why shouldn't he drink? Let him drown in the pool of whiskey. It's what he deserves.
Radhaji (grabs RK's shoulders and shakes him): Rishu...eh Rishu! Why did you start drinking again after everything Madhu did to get you to stop?!?
RK (slurs): Maa...please. Don't read me a lecture on the vices of drinking and how your ladlee bahu got me to abstain for a few months. I wanted to drink, so I started. That's it, end of story. RK doesn't need to give any explanation to anyone.
Radhaji (pulls her hands away, as if burnt and glares at RK in disgust): Yes you do have to give an explanation, Rishu! I am your mother and I will not tolerate your disrespect. I will NOT tolerate you drinking yourself into stupor because you marriage is falling apart. I will NOT allow you to brush me aside and pretend that everything is fine while you ignore the issues like a petulant child. You came from my womb, Rishabh Mohan Kundra. So don't you dare tell me you don't owe me an explanation!
RK (sighs wearily): What is so alarming in my drinking occasionally? I can have a glass or two without any reason. Maa. You are unnecessarily making a mountain out of a molehill.
Radhaji's anger transforms into sympathy. She understands her Rishu's desire to ignore the clear problem as a self-defense mechanism. She has done it many a times. Didn't she her husband's, Mohan's, philandering so she could keep her family intact? Like a devoted wife, she ignored both her husbands' mistakes and paid heavy price for it. She had nearly lost her son both times. Radhaji understands, but as his mother, she cannot allow him to continue to make the same mistakes as her and face the consequences.
Radhaji (moves closer and cups his face): Rishu, you think I am making a mountain out of a molehill. But the truth is beta, you are not giving it enough import. I beg of you, please do not make the same mistakes as I did. I ignored your father's philandering ways and it came back to haunt us in the form of Sultan. I nearly lost you again because I never had the courage to face the truth. I was also willfully blind to all of Kukkuji's faults, just so I could maintain the illusion of a happy family. That had nearly cost me your life. You are my son, Rishu. I carried you in my womb for 9 months, suffered through 22 hours of labor pain to bring you into this world. Despite my many mistakes, did my best to raise you into a man. All for what? So I can see you be miserable for the rest of your life? Call me selfish, but I expect to see my child happy after all that I have been through for him. You won't be happy Rishu till you stop being so stubborn and open up your eyes! Talk with Madhu. I advised her to seek counseling and I am going to say the same to you. You two need to talk before you go so far away from each other that nothing will bridge the gap. Life awaits no one, my son, so don't waste yours away.
RK (swallows uncomfortably and looks away): Thank you for your advice maa but it's unnecessary. Biwi and I are doing just fine. (Looks back at her) You don't need to give any more sentimental dialogue or I will have you write all the emotional parts for my next movie.
Radhaji shakes her head with disappointment and drops her hands. She swallows the sob that nearly escaped her lips and steps away from RK. It is heartbreaking that despite her best efforts, it made no difference to neither of her children.
Radhaji (whispers brokenly): I pray to God that you neither of you won't pay a steep price for being so willfully stubborn.
She turns around and rushes out of the room. Despite her age, Radhaji runs down the stairs when her head starts spinning. She feels the rapid increase in her heartbeat and her vision starts to blacken. Blindly reaching out, she grabs hold off the stair rail and manages to keep herself from tumbling down.
In the distance, she hears Madhu scream out for her, but she just keeps her eyes close, employing deep breathing exercises to calm her speeding heartbeat and regain her composure. Feeling two pairs of hands on her shoulders, Radhaji opens her eyes to look at RK and Madhu's respective concerned faces.
She pulls away from their hold and takes another step down. Madhu and RK reaches out again, both voicing their concern simultaneously.
RK (sternly): Maa!! Be careful!
Madhu (scolds): Maa...did you take your medicines today?
Radhaji (turns around and glares and asks in a challenging tone): When you two are obviously do not seem to care about anything else, why do you care about what happens to me? Whether I live or die?
Madhu (gasps): Maa!
RK (angrily): Maa! You said that once but promise me that you won't ever say that again. You were screaming upstairs that you have rights as a mother to scold me, yell at me and interfere in my life well as your son, I have the right to do the same! Don't you dare take your anger and frustration at us on your well-being.
Radhaji (retorts angrily): Why shouldn't I do the same, Rishu when you are obviously doing the same. Both you and Madhu walk around like everything is fine and normal between you two. But I know better. You have the whole world fooled, arriving together at parties and posing for pictures. But at home, neither of you spend time with each other, nor do you talk to each other and if you do, it almost always ends in a fight. I am no fool. Just because I have been silent for so long, doesn't mean that I am unaware. (Stares hard at Madhu) I don't know what happened last year that prompted you to leave RK but I know that it altered the course of your marriage. Even though you came back, whatever happened has left an open wound on your heart and it has been festering and eating away at the girl I used to know. Whatever happened has put a wall between you two and if you don't start chipping it down now then it will be too late. (Breaking into a sob) I will keep praying, every day, with every fiber of my being, that you two don't go so far away from one another that it would become impossible for you to reunite.
RK and Madhu watch Radhaji go safely down the stairs then turn their wary gazes to each other with trepidation. Their issues now brought in front of each other, they feel exposed and vulnerable. Though they have been suffering silently, it was easier for them to pretend than to discuss the anger and hurt they each feel in going through with the abortion. It was easier to pretend that theirs is a normal marriage despite all the anguish and the secret desire for a baby. The illusion of a happy marriage that they have created as a self-defense mechanism, has been shattered. They can no longer pretend.
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Shadows of the Past
FanfictionWhat happens, when a husband, in a moment of selfishness, asks his wife to abort their unborn baby? Compelled by her unconditional love for her husband, she does the one thing she would have never in a million years considered, she aborted their bab...
