Solstice and Eclipse: Part III

Chapter VI: Smoke and Gas

The temperature continued to drop as (L/N) rose in altitude, leaving behind the forest to join the stars until the ground below disappeared beneath the clouds. He didn't know where he was going. He had no destination in mind, no intention. All he knew was that he needed to get away. Away from the noise and the confusion and, most importantly, away from her. He couldn't think clearly when he was around her, as if her mere presence robbed him of all logic. He needed to escape. The problem was no matter how far he ran, she was always with him, stuck inside his head. Her voice echoed inside his head, so soothing and gentle. Her scent, like a spring day after a heavy rain, carrying the smell of fresh peaches on the wind, filled his nostrils with every breath he took. And the warmth of her touch, the warmth of her presence, oh how it filled him.

Among the clouds, he shook those thoughts from his head. She was a dream, he reminded himself. A distraction that made him forget who he was. He couldn't allow it. He couldn't allow himself to forget. He was (F/N) (L/N) and he was alone. He had to be because he was dangerous. He may not like fiction, but he had heard enough fairytales to understand; he wasn't the hero of the story. He was the villain that killed his parents. He was the monster that hurt the little girl. He was the beast that no one could love.

But when he was with her all that seemed to change. How did she make him forget that? How did she make him forget why he was alone? All the safeguards he'd created to keep people out and all the walls he'd put up to keep himself in, it was like she just ignored them all. She was so close. Too close. Any further and she just might see him for who he was. If she did, would she stay? Was it possible that she could... care about him?

"Enough." (L/N) said to himself through gritted teeth. "That's not what this is about. It's about keeping them safe."

That's right. It didn't matter what she thought about him. It didn't matter what anyone thought about him. All that mattered was they don't get close.

'Keep them away so they can't hurt you.' He thought to himself. 'No, wait. Keep them away so you can't hurt them.'

"Keep them away so you can't hurt them." He said aloud.

His grandparents left him.

"Keep them away so you can't hurt them."

Kendo left him.

"Keep them away so you can't hurt them."

Yaoyorozu would leave him.

"Keep them away so... so you can't... hurt them."

But what about when they hurt him? The Watcher's question echoed in his ears once more. What is it you want? And why do you want it?

"I want to control my quirk," he answered, "because I don't want them to... I don't want them to get hurt."

Yes, that was the answer, he decided. He didn't want to hurt anyone else, and the closer Yaoyorozu got the more likely it became that he would hurt her. The same way he had hurt his parents. The same way he had hurt Kendo. And when he did, she would leave him. That didn't matter. All that mattered was she leave now to avoid the pain. Avoid the pain he would cause when he hurt her.

He took several deep breaths to clear his mind. In through the nose and out through the mouth. All he needed to do was recenter himself and remember who he was and why he had to be alone. Let go of the scent of her hair. Let go of the sound of her voice. Let go of her warmth. He was (F/N) (L/N), he was dangerous, and was alone.

After a few more deep breaths Yaoyorozu finally began to leave his mind. The scent of rain and peaches was gone, replaced by smoke. The sound of her calming voice disappeared and screaming took its place. Her warmth left him, but the heat of white and blue flames now licked at his skin. Below him the world was on fire.