Breaths

night 04

there were nights spent with you which i've always kept written beneath the tiny corners of my mind, carved through every infinitesimal nerve ending that holds a memory of you. which, come to think of, holds a whole lot of space. i never expected to be filled with you, to invest a lot of myself just for our memories together. but i never regretted anything, because the joy of having you in my arms inherently suffice.

you are enough, gazelle. and you always seem to forget that.

i don't need no photograph, no note, not even any ill-defined imagery for me to remember you. i know every detail of your body, believe it or not. it always amazes me how your little freckles brush lightly against your cheeks, how your hair gleams like fire against the sunlight, with your eyes shining like crystals tinted with the faintest shade of blue and green. and still you tell me that you're nothing special, even if the soles of your shoes gently tiptoe its way to my mind and sets an explosion that sets my heart on fire. so don't you tell me i won't ever remember you, ellie. because i always will. screw the people that says stars would eventually explode. you're a star that would never lose its light.

this one night with you is a montage of hazy moments, swimming in vodka and cigarette recollections. a dandelion holding on to its stem, for one blow will disintegrate it into another one of these insignificant shards i hold within the recesses of my whole self, thrust within the holes of my skin to form some kind of injury that would gradually fracture my soul. i am growing tired, but as i look at you, the memory of that night grows stronger, clearer, more striking as it ever was. we were driving along an endless boulevard that lead us to the ocean, with a quaint little restaurant along the beach. i never felt more alive than that moment, with my heart beating as if it's the last day that it would thump the fuck out of my blood. setting aside my unfinished plates, i realised that i was not hungry for food, but of you. i reached out my hands for yours, and when we connected, i felt as if it was a supernova exploding within the deep pits of my stomach.

that was the night i never wanted anything more than you. and i swear to god, i will never let you go.

i will never let go.
even if your hands slowly slip away,
i will never let go,
even if this sickness leads you astray,
i will never let you go.