I fell in love with him, the way you fall of a bike. Fast and hard. For some this is really painful. For me it felt...right. I was in love. He was meant for me, or at least I thought he was.
Our first hug, the first time we held hands, our first kiss, was all so magical. I wanted to spend every waking minute with him. That day he spent the night and we slept together, we woke up and I made him breakfast, and he left, I felt as if someone had just tore something inside of me, something important, out of my chest. It was painful
The thought of him leaving was excruciating. It even led to thinking, that the kiss we shared, before he left was the going to be the last. I fell into a depression, just like I had fallen in love with him. Fast and hard.
The voices inside my head were telling me to end my life, to end my pain. Luckily my mom saved me. I can't repay her enough for that.
Right after that I texted him
"I love you...." That's when it happened. The worst thing.
He replied
"I love you too, but sometimes I feel like its wrong."
I was just trying to be nice, I didn't mean it when I told him I wanted at least one of us happy. What I really wanted, was for us to stay together and fight through this.
I was left with an unknown question. Are we done? The answers was yes, we were. He needed time to figure out if this was right, you know being gay.
For a whole week I was left waiting for the answer. When he really he had already answered it. He just didn't tell me. No he is not gay, it was just a phase. That's when the fighting started. I, being the pathetic person I am, begged and begged for him to take me back, knowing that he never would. He hated me, and that was the end of a beautiful relationship.
Now that I moved on, I'm stuck. I recently fell in love with this guy, Mich. He is 13 and lives in Ontario, Cananada. We kik and instant message each other all the time.
Then came Sam. The amazingly beautiful, blonde with gorgeous blue eyes. He goes to my school, and lives in my town, and my state. Plus he's bisexual, and....he likes me!
Oh yeah Mich. Right. I tried to end things with him. Not because I liked someone else, but because I was afraid of us getting closer, and then falling apart again. I don't think I can handle that again. But I changed his life. Before he met me he was afraid to tell anyone he is gay, but ever since we started dating I gave him the confidence and courage to tell his friends. So I felt bad and crawled back in.
Then there is Sam. . I guess I'm stuck in this fantasy with him. I'm replaying what happened with me and Kyle. My first love. The good things of course. This time, however adding Sams's face. I'm craving the attention and affection of someone, who loves and cares for me. And not from a friend or family member. From a real guy
