The Walsh Family Q&A's

Helen

What are the 5 words that sum you up?

Private Detective.  Loner. Narky. Inventor of The Shovel List. Homeless.

What is your most marked characteristic?

They say I’m contrary and right enough, I’d have to agree. Although by agreeing, it makes me look not contrary and believe me, I am…

Where do you live?

I’m part of Generation Boomerang so I’m currently domiciled with my parents in the family home. It’s not so bad. At least they have WiFi, cable telly and all the Magnums I can eat.

Who is your style icon?

That would be Lady Gaga, of course. And that would be extreme sarcasm, of course.

Who is your dream man?

‘Dream’? ‘Man’? Aren’t all men a bit pitiful? But that one who played the husband in Borgen? What’s his name? Mikael something? Danish lad, anyway. Well, I wouldn’t kick him out of bed for eating crisps.

What’s your favourite colour?

Black and grey and sometimes very dark blue or green, so long as it’s almost black. You can put in the occasional pop of yellow or orange, if they’re confined to a small area: example, trainers. If I could dress myself in Wayne Diffney’s house, I would.

What’s your favourite song?

No! No! None! Music to me, well, it’s all just ugly noise.

What’s your favourite movie?

Apocalypse Now. And Zoolander, actually. Zoolander is great!

What’s your idea of hell?

Immortality

What’s your favourite magazine?

 They’re all a bit shit, no?

If you were a food, what would you be?

According to Claire, I’d be a durian fruit because I’m so offensive I’m banned in several countries.

How often do you have sex?

Not that it’s any of your business, but the answer used to be ‘Whenever I wanted.’ At the moment I have a boyfriend with 3 children, and they have to be out of the way before we’re allowed to be at it. It’s definitely thown a spanner in the works of a woman in he market for spontaneous, commitment-free sex, such as myself. Very annoying.

What is your motto?

Walk softly and carry a big shovel.

What car do you drive?

A black Fiat 500 with black interiors. If I was leader of the world, my first act as despot would be to outlaw all non-black cars.