One shots - Any genres

That damn voice in my head - Sad/poetic

Genre: Poetic? not sure. just know it has a meaning behind it.
time: 12:05am-1:01
MAJOR TW// ED, Self Harm
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After taking a shower, i put my dirty clothes in my clothes hamper and take a mental note to wash my laundry tomorrow; i need bras, and underwear, and everything, basically.

Climbing into bed after combing my damp hair, i grab my phone and begin to read a little. my eyes begin feeling heavy and and when i almost fall asleep, i text my friends one final time before heading for bed, plug my phone in and check my alarm to make sure it's set for school tomorrow.

I'm almost asleep when i hear it, that damn voice.

"your friends don't like you,"  it says.

what the hell?

"they use you to make their insecurties seem silly. They feel bad for you, really. you're their second choice" the voice continues.

"You should just cut them off before they do it to you. Rip the band-aid off, it'll save you the heartbreak. Just shut them out, ignore them. It's not like they'd care anyway."

you're right. It's not like they'd care, anyway.

----

"you did it! you made your friends hate you. you pushed them away when they tried helping you. How do you feel?"

Controlled, lonely, afraid, sad.

"Good. That's what you deserve to feel. that's what you're used too"

I don't like feeling this way, but then again when things go good for me, i just end up ruining it. i guess this is how i'm supposed to feel.

----

I'm laying in my bed and I don't realize how long i've been scrolling through tiktok until my stomach grumbles, hinting that i actually haven't had a full meal since breakfast.

I go and get up to find myself something to eat.

"why would you go get something to eat? you've had enough, you don't need anything else. watch your carbs. it's not like you've done anything to deserve to eat, anyway"

What? i'm not gonna not eat.

ignoring that damn voice, i go and find something for myself to eat.

i decide on a peanut butter sandwich, with chips and a banana.

I eat it entirely, and then go back to my room.

"you really ate all of that? oh, my gosh. you're pathetic, really. The fact you ate all of that in one go? no wonder you don't even like the way you look"

was it really that much?

it probably was.

I run to my room and shut my door, looking behind it in the full length mirror. standing up straight i slightly lift my shirt up and suck in my gut. i rub my hand over my stomach, tears threatening to spill from my eyes.

going to my desk, i grab my weight scale out from underneath it. I step onto it and look down to the numbers that are blurry from my teary vision.

I get off after getting the answer i did not want, and lay on my bed. bringing my knees to my chest and my head on my knees, i cry silently as my heart breaks over and over again. like a knife keeps repeatedly stabbing me, over and over only, i feel the pain but i never die.