Dear...

Adam

Adam,
I bet you're confused as to why you're among these. I wasn't going to write to you at first if I'm being honest, I had years and years of various people telling me that the way you acted, the way you still act, was just brotherly love. "Brothers are meant to bully their siblings." I don't bully you though. I only defended myself. You were horrible. But I listened to people, I told myself that you were just being brotherly and I started to believe it myself.

It wasn't brotherly love was it? It was abuse. Emotional, mental and sexual abuse. The fact that I get flashbacks of what you did speaks for itself I think. It makes me feel kinda ill when I think about what you forced me to do. You just didn't understand the word no did you? You couldn't read my discomfort and unwillingness to do things, did you think that meant that you had to try harder? I didn't want to touch your gross sausage. I didn't want to put my finger in your belly button. What part of my behaviour made you think that I did?

And all the things you said to me, all the sneers and jeers. All the comments about my weight just to act so shocked when I got an eating disorder. All the jabs at me telling me I was a waste of space and air only to take me to side and tell me how worried you were about my selfharm.  You can't deny that you're part of why I'm like this, you can't deny that you played a part in my trauma and poor mental health. You'd be an idiot to think you're not.

I hope you someday realise how hurtful you were to me.

Charlie