Goodbye Yellow Brick Road ✔︎

37 | Caged Rat

|photo by Changqing Lu from Unsplash|

When Chase and I walk out of trig, Conner is waiting in the hallway—eyes narrow, hair worried. "Paige texted me," he says. "Are you all right?"

"Yes, of course I am."

My act fools no one. Conner knows better and Chase witnessed the agony that surely found its way to my face after I did the math: I have 5 classes with Paige. Jasmine is only in one of them. Guess who will be expected to recruit guards when and if Paige decides to brave the rest of her schedule. 

"Can I join you guys for lunch?" Conner asks.

"You two go ahead," Chase says, and then he cuts his eyes to mine. "I will see you in chemistry, right?"

"Yes. I promise."

Conner takes my hand before we're out of the building and Jasmine's words come back to me: "Just guard your heart, okay?"

It's way too late for that.

"The mistake I made was believing Conner would choose me."

I pull my hand away and he sighs. "Please talk to me, Thea."

"Not here."

"At the penthouse?"

"No. Central Park."

"It's supposed to snow today," he informs me.

"I know, Conner. But I'm feeling like a caged rat and I need space. Lots and lots of space."

If I didn't already know I sound hysterical, Conner's crumpled forehead would clue me in. He takes his knit cap out of his jacket pocket and says, "Hold up a minute," as we approach the big wooden doors.

I stop with extreme reluctance. The boy is remarkably coordinated. Why can't he walk and...

Conner puts his hat on my head—on my head.

I start to sob. He reaches out for me but I don't allow it. I wrench open the door, jog down the stairs and head for Fifth Avenue. Conner keeps pace with me, his hands stuffed in his pockets. "You know that first day?" I ask. "My first day at Zachary? You took me to the library to meet Paige and she told me you take care of people. You gave me peanut butter crackers and a soda that day. Your hat just now."

He looks at my head and gives me a hesitant nod.

"You've been taking care of Paige for so long, I don't think you know how to stop. And I know..." I stop walking and face him. "Conner, that kiss in the hallway meant more to me than I can ever tell you. But Paige didn't see it and now it's too late. You're never going to tell her about us because it would wreck her recovery."

Conner opens his mouth but he doesn't deny it. He can't.

"Did Paige tell you that Jasmine sat with her in French—like protecting her? And then after class Jasmine pulled me aside because she feels sorry for me. Because now I'm the one caught in the middle. Why didn't you tell me all of this has happened before? Paige is the reason you and Jasmine broke up, right?"

He squints his eyes shut, runs his hand through his hair. "Things were different then. I didn't understand my feelings for Paige until Jasmine explained them to me. You and I went into this..." He reaches for me again. I shake my head and start walking.

"Thea, it's always been complicated for us. You have the thing with Glenn. I have the thing with Paige. But it's worth it. We belong together."

"You can't just keep saying that. You can't wave your magical fate wand and make everything okay. I don't have anything with Glenn. I ended it. And this thing with Paige...what if I can't do this, Conner? What if I don't want to be her bodyguard for the rest of the school year? What lie are you going to tell her to get me out of that?"