The Day It Happened

The Bittersweet Night After

It's late afternoon by the time they return to Courtney's apartment, and they settle into it with an almost tumultuous peace. They change into much more relaxed clothing, Shayne hanging his suit up in her closet on the hangers he'd bought knowing he wouldn't be returning home at least until the next morning. They settle into her sofa and switch the TV to something neither of them really pays any attention to, just creating a background noise to try and cut through the sadness and stress hanging on from earlier as they sporadically start and end conversations about everything and nothing at the same time, although they steer away from anything to do with the day.

There was a family dinner planned for that evening. They don't go – they're both tired and exhausted from the intensity of the day, and Kari wasn't going either and Clarke and Conrad were undecided – but they get takeaway dumplings and talk softly about nothing in particular as they eat. The day catches up to both of them, but especially Courtney, and as evening draws into night she feels her eyes blinking heavily as she leans into his shoulder, almost falling asleep.

"You wanna go to bed, Court?" he asks, softly.

"Yeah, but I need you beside me still," she mumbles, sleepily, knowing her mind is still a mess of sadness. He hums, his arms wrapping around her and hugging her tighter.

"I don't think falling asleep on me on the couch would be very comfortable for you," he points out, softly. She grumbles lightly before she suddenly realises the solution they need.

"Then you just come sleep in my bed beside me. Please. I can't be in there alone tonight," she requests.

"I don't wanna invade your space... I'd just be out here, you can come to me whenever you need," he reminds her, but she shakes her head.

"I needed you Sunday night but I was scared to wake you up and I probably would be again but if you were beside me you'd be right there and it would be easier..." she trails off, before rapidly adding, "I don't care about you being in my room, if you're not comfortable with it then that's fine, but-"

"It's different, but I'm not uncomfortable with it, Court. Just want to be sure you're comfortable," he replies, carefully, but Courtney simply presses closer to him.

"I know it's new for us and people make a big deal about it but like- it's nothing, Shayne, I've always shared beds with friends. I guess it's weird because you're a guy but just... Like you said earlier. It doesn't have to be weird for us to be close," she trails off. His hand gently reaches to tangle in hers.

"Okay. Maybe it's weird but it's not weird but- I don't mind, so if you don't, let's go to bed?" he accepts, and she smiles at his soft tone before reluctantly detangling herself from him so they both can go and get ready for bed.

She'd been completely exhausted, but as she shuffles around under the covers in the dark and feels the weight of Shayne doing the same across the other side – the always empty side – of her bed, she feels her mind start racing and tangling with thoughts again. She can feel – indirectly, they aren't touching – him settle on his back staring at the ceiling, and she too stares at the shadows on the roof as they move with the light from her window, but her mind is far away, tumbling through images of when and where she wanted her Dad to be, where there's now an empty space.

She stays silent, until an errant sniff to hold back the tears in her eyes makes Shayne turn in the bed to face her. She reaches out a single hand towards him, tangling with his own once she finds it.

"There's so much stuff I still wanted him to be around for. Like... if I ever buy my own house or apartment, he would've helped inspect it when I was looking and he would've fixed up any small things before I moved in. I've been thinking of getting a new car because mine is getting too expensive to service and he was going to look with me literally like next weekend..." she trails off, sighing lightly, although Shayne doesn't say anything as he knows she isn't finished. She continues, after a moment, "he's not gonna know what I end up doing after whenever Smosh isn't practically my whole life anymore, and no more family Christmas or Thanksgiving where everything is smooth and comfortable at his house. If I ever have a family, my kids won't know their grandpa... and I won't know if he would've liked whoever I end up marrying, if I get married. And it's dumb, but my brain is getting stuck on- I think I probably do want to get married someday if I find the right person, but now I don't have a Dad to walk me up the aisle."