24: Jaeger

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When they told her, Jaeger was at her desk. She should have been expecting it really, but it was still a shock.
She sat at her desk, staring at incident reports and rotas and agendas, not really taking any of the information in. A couple of desks away, a group of officers discussed the office death pool, credits exchanged hands and juvenile teasing commenced.
Aguilar appeared from her office and Jaeger watched her as she walked, her shoulders dipped a little, her face drawn and pale.
She walked up to the front of the room and stood, every detective in the room stopping to look at her as she stood straight.
Then, she spoke.
"Can I have your attention for a moment," she said, her voice firm but wavering slightly at the end, "we've had some news from the hospital about Detective Oscuro."
The people that hadn't quite been listening were looking now. On the far side of the room, Jaeger caught the eye of Detective Stewart, the rookie that had looked so concerned for her and not for Oscuro when she'd demanded he be arrested after shooting Tommy Muchanza.
He looked back at her and for a moment she saw real warmth in his naive young eyes.
"There is no easy way to say this, and Oscuro was never one for bullshit, so I'll just tell you straight," Aguilar said, taking a deep breath, "at eleven fifteen today Detective Oscuro went into cardiac arrest and doctors were unable to revive him," her words were cold, robotic, "he's dead."
The room was quiet, then there was quiet murmuring. Glances at Jaeger.
Jaeger felt like she wanted to shrink into nothing, to be away from their stares, to have never made any of the life decisions to put her in that moment in time.
She wanted to be with her sister and her niece and nephew, or even back in the stifling darkness of her cube - anywhere else than that office, with those people.
She kept her breaths as regular as her racing heart would allow, and looked around the room for Stewart's caring eyes, but he was talking to another detective now, his face blank.
"I am sure this will be as shocking to all of you as it was to me," Aquilar continued, "his family have been notified and the funeral will be held later this week, as per their request. If any of you need to, the department psych is available."
Then, she stepped down off the invisible podium she had seemingly being stood on and disappeared into her office, leaving the department floor in silence.
Some officers returned to what they were doing almost immediately, even in a force made up of men and women who held carbon copies of Oscuro's beliefs, he'd had enemies, or at the very least, colleagues that didn't give a shit.
Others however, either stood there in shock, or worst of all, looked at Jaeger.
She didn't move this time, though, she refused to be chased out of the room by their stares and glances. There'd been talk about her being involved in Oscuro's death, and maybe there was some truth in it, but she hadn't pulled the trigger. She wasn't to blame.
But if that was true, why did she feel so empty?
"Jaeger?" The voice shattered her waking dream and pulled her back to reality, the colours of the bright artificial lighting in the office burning her retinas.
She looked up, hoping she didn't look too startled, and found Stewart.
The kid was young, but talented, probably promoted above what his experience merited, but he seemed like a nice guy, and the force had a serious shortage of those.
"I'm sorry about Oscuro," he said, his expression sympathetic. He was probably only three or four years younger than her, but he looked every day of it, "I know he was your partner, you knew him better than all of us."
Jaeger wanted to laugh. She hadn't, but she didn't.
"I guess it's going to be hard on all of us, Stewart," Jaeger said, remembering how to pretend, "how are you?"
Stewart shrugged, leaning against her desk. Anybody else, that would have pissed her off, but the kid was holding a hand out in the darkness and she wasn't going to ignore it, so she didn't stop him.
"I know me and Oscuro weren't exactly friends, in fact, I don't think I ever spoke to the guy, but it's never nice when we lose an officer," Stewart said, looking lost for a moment. Jaeger wondered if he'd been on the force long enough to separate legends from reality yet, because that line sounded like something out of a cop movie.
"That's true," Jaeger said, realising she wasn't pretending.
"Hey," Stewart said, "I know these last few days have been tough, but me and Hadley were talking about heading down to the Captain for a couple of beers. You know, drink it off. I didn't know whether you were..."
Jaeger wanted to say yes, to grab onto the olive branch with both hands and never let go, but she couldn't. It might have been stubbornness or pride, not to let the drunken haze of six or seven honey whiskey shots reveal her weakness, or maybe just fear.
She might have been stubborn, but only an idiot pretended that they couldn't feel fear, and right now, she didn't know how she was feeling.
"I've got so much paperwork to get through, Stewart," Jaeger said, swallowing after the words and hoping it wasn't obvious, "but I really appreciate the offer," at least that wasn't a lie, "another time?"
Stewart smiled, sincerely. He'd tried to help and she'd hid in the darkness because she didn't know how to do anything else. Maybe a trip to the department psych could be worth a thought.
"Don't work too hard," he said, bowing his head and returning to the officer Jaeger assumed was Hadley.
Jaeger looked back to her terminal interface, a cascade of words and information she didn't care about. There were some files on the last case that Oscuro had been working on, the Astoria heist. She almost laughed at how the heist had once confounded and frustrated her and now she couldn't bring herself to care.
Then, in the bottom corner of the interface, a new mail icon appeared. Lutalo's name appeared below the image and Jaeger gestured for it to expand. It simply said: north roof, ten minutes. Top priority. - Lutalo.
Jaeger didn't know whether to reply or not, but there was no doubt she would have to go and meet the hulking, enigmatic ex-marine on the roof.
The message had been sent top-priority on a separate channel to the general-use office line. It couldn't be ignored that it had been sent so only she could read it, and most definitely so Aguilar couldn't.
She waited for the department to empty, any officers that had low-priority jobs to abandon doing it to go and drink away their time at the Captain, using Oscuro's death as a cover. She couldn't bring herself to be offended.
When there was a clear path to the door, Jaeger read the message one last time and swept it into the trash, making sure it was eradicated before she left. Lutalo had sent it on a dark-channel intentionally, she wasn't going to betray him through carelessness.
It was a short walk across the landing area that overlooked the huge atrium in the centre of the building, like every other floor in the forty-five story glass tower, to the elevators at the front of the building.
Jaeger stepped inside, inadvertently holding her breath when a couple of back-room officers in their dull black and white uniforms and holographic interface visors joined her, deep in a conversation about some online VR strategy game they had both played the previous night.
They got off two floors up, but Jaeger rode the elevator right up to the top floor, or at least the floor that could be reached without an exec ID card.
This floor was shared by the homicide department, 'affectionately' called the reapers, and the interrogation and holding cells for the more high-profile cases who couldn't share floor space in the drunk-tank.
From here, Jaeger crossed to the other side of the building and found the maintenance staircase.
Unfortunately, nobody had thought it necessary to put an elevator in for the last five floors, so Jaeger had to slog up the white-concrete steps to the roof.
The maintenance shaft had a cold chill, running alongside the air-conditioning shafts, and the metal handrail was ice-cold to the touch. They didn't need to be particularly warm because the only workers that came up this high were made of circuits and ceramic.
When Jaeger finally scanned her palm against the sealed external door and stepped out into the cruel, swirling air, Lutalo was already waiting for her.
She pulled the collar of her jacket around her face and walked across the large chief, who seemed barely affected by the vicious winds, standing like a firm obelisk against them.
"Sir," Jaeger said, standing formally.
Lutalo waved at her in a way that told her to stand down, so she did.
"Sir, if I can ask, why up here?" Jaeger asked, relaxing her arms slightly but still keeping them clutched across her chest, as though it would deflect the winds away.
"This building has too many damn ears, I don't like everything I say ending up on an audio server somewhere," Lutalo said, being surprisingly frank. Jaeger had had no idea the higher-ups struggled with bureaucracy too.
She shouldn't have been surprised - everybody has somebody above them, even the chief.
"You've heard about Detective Oscuro, I take it?" Lutalo asked, taking out a cigarette - a real cigarette - and offered the pack to Jaeger. She waved them off politely and nodded in reply to his question.
The disconnect she now felt was strange, the news had shaken her, and the emotions were still there, but a wall had grown up between her and them. Strangely, it was reassuring.
Lutalo simply nodded, his face refusing to reveal the inner-workings of his mind.
"When did you hear?" Jaeger asked.
Lutalo took a long drag from the cigarette and exhaled the smoke from his chapped lips. Jaeger thought she saw something that looked like stress in his big eyes.
"Straight after it happened, it came to me," he sighed, "I told his family."
"His dad?" Jaeger asked, following Lutalo as he went to the edge of the building and leaned up the railing, casting his cigarette into the street below.
Up this high, they were above the traffic stream - it was a strange angle to see the hustle and bustle from. In the dark night, the cars were barely flashes of light and colour, frantically buzzing back and forth like luminescent bees between flowers.
"Nah," Lutalo said, "couldn't get through on the number we had for him."
"Os used to say that his dad was a drifter," Jaeger said, the name heavy on her tongue, "the guy you see standing with a sign trying to hitchhike anywhere else."
Lutalo nodded.
"I called his sister eventually, she sounded surprised she even had a brother," Lutalo laughed a sad, throaty laugh, "starting to see why he was the way he was."
Jaeger shook her head.
"That's not an excuse," she almost spat, then remembered herself, "sir."
"You're damn right, detective," Lutalo said, "it's not."
Neither of them said anything for a moment, and Jaeger wondered why Lutalo had made such a big deal about meeting her privately. Then, she realised that there was nowhere else she would want to be.
"Sir, I don't think I can sit in there while they..." Jaeger struggled for the words, "mourn him. He doesn't deserve it."
Lutalo agreed with her, she could tell, but he didn't say anything. He just nodded his head gently again.
"It's what we do," he said, "always have done, always will. Whatever our grudges, when one of us dies, we hail them a hero and salute their flag-draped coffin when we put them in the ground."
The words were metaphorical, nobody was buried anymore, there wasn't enough room in the ground. Most people, except the really religious, accepted that it was just polite to be cremated. Make space for the next person.
Jaeger knew he was right, the officers would do what they were programmed to do. She'd play along, even if it meant swallowing the bile.
But she wasn't going to suffer whilst they did, she would put on the face and do the salute, but from now on, it was on her terms. Her masquerade.
"I saw the video footage of the night Oscuro was shot," Lutalo said abruptly, "I know you were there."
Jaeger's world came crashing down once again, the flimsy structures she'd begun carefully rebuilding threatening to bend and break.
She couldn't lose Lutalo, he was her link. The one person above her that gave her hope, that made her able to keep doing a job she didn't feel like she could do any longer. If he lost faith in her, she couldn't stay.
"Sir, I didn't..." she choked, "it wasn't me."
Lutalo raised his eyebrow.
"I know you didn't, detective," he said, his tone honest and reassuring, "you aren't a murderer."
Jaeger struggled to regulate her breathing, gasping in the bitter air.
"And I know Aguilar is using it against you," Lutalo said, not looking at her when he said it, "to keep you in line."
Jaeger didn't say anything.
"And I'm sorry I can't do more to stop her."
Jaeger was hoping the words would lead to help, something he could do. He was her superior, why would his hands be tied?
"My hands are tied," Lutalo said honestly, "I'm above her in the COH, but she has a lot of... connections. The people in the offices above mine."
We all have bosses, Jaeger thought.
"And my position is very tenuous, currently," Lutalo said, picking his words carefully, "I'm ruffling a lot of feathers lately and some people don't like it. If I was any lower in the food chain, I'd be looking over my shoulder. I'm a spanner in a lot of works."
Jaeger just nodded, she'd rather have him watching her from afar than not at all. She wasn't going to become dependent on him, or anybody, but it was reassuring.
"I understand, chief," she said.
"Good," was all Lutalo said, "I'm not going anywhere right now, and with any luck, I'll survive this place with my pension intact."
Jaeger didn't think she could say the same about herself, but it was good to know that the rampant corruption wasn't completely unchecked.
"When you're ready," Lutalo said, "I'm recommending Aguilar put you on a new case with the rookie, Detective Stewart. I think you'll be a good pairing."
Jaeger didn't argue, she just nodded.
"Thank you, sir," she said.
Lutalo nodded, then bid her goodnight, leaving her stood alone on the rooftop, the quiet hum of the roof fans barely audible over the gusting winds.
For a moment, she wondered if Lutalo ever went home. If he had a family, or friends, or anything beyond the walls of the wretched precinct building.
It was a strange thought, but it wasn't a difficult one, so she explored it more as she stood on the rooftop in the cold night air, her arms crossed firmly across her chest.

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