Whatever She's Getting

Designed for You

The next day, I went to the diner again for breakfast.

No, I wasn't hoping to see her again.

I mean, it would have been nice to be able to see her, but I wasn't expecting anything much. I just wanted to have a nice hot cup of coffee with some pancakes and extra syrup.

I sat comfortably in the table I usually sat in with my sketch book right in front of me and my mind was just... blank.

The Wildlife Glam design contest was in 2 weeks and I wasn't prepared at all.

I did have some designs in mind but they just felt wrong.

You know how it's like when you think of an outfit to wear to school or to the mall and then when you finally wear it, it just felt wrong? Or maybe, it just didn't turn out as great as you thought it was going to be?

That's exactly what my dilemma was.

The pressure of being the best, of winning, and making a huge designer say WOW at your work of art made me even more nervous, and slightly anxious.

I could feel it in the pit of my gut and it wasn't good. I could barely take a bite out of my food.

How was I supposed to complete a full, wild, exotic, haute couture design in 2 weeks with an upcoming mental breakdown?

I found myself zoned out and looking out the window at a van with an old lady being assisted in her wheelchair.

Then, I thought about my parents. Have they been less cruel, I would have stayed with them. The thought of them growing old without anyone to help them made me feel a little bit guilty, but I was sure I wasn't going back there after everything they did to me.

Maybe one day, when they're a little bit older and have realized what they had done, I might just ask for somebody's help.

Of course, I would need some money for insurance and all that so at least  my parents can be taken care of.

This is why starting off by winning in contests like these meant a lot. If I could get my name out there little by little, it would not only help me financially, but also make my dreams come true.

I could let go of the horror that was my life and move on to something greater and maybe even inspire those who have experienced the same cruelty as I have to be brave and walk away.

As I thought about that, it reminded me why I started this whole thing—why I decided to start again.

It was a fire—the burning rage and writhing pain that seared inside my body for years.

It was a fire inside of me that lit up the courage and the ideas altogether, and I thought it would be a great story to tell for my design.

My whole life was a wildfire, and the way I see it now, it's going to be one hell of a run... or a hell of a design.

Somehow, it just made me realize that everything that happens in a person's life is designed for them. Whatever is designed for you, grab inspiration from that and try to make good things out of it.

You have the power to better your life, and I was just starting with mine.

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Author's Note:

I'm so sorry for updating so late. I just have a lot going on and it's sort of hard for me to write.

But anyway, what do you think about this chapter? Let me know!

Love always,
S.J. Wolf