All The Days Of Summer

ONE

One. 

The hot water hits my back and an involuntary breath leaves me, I am washed with a sense of calm, and the rest of the world and its shit fade away. The contrast of the cold tile against my forehead makes me shiver but I don't have the energy to move it. I have a headache, I have had a headache for 10 days now and no matter how long i rest here, no matter how much the world outside pauses whilst I'm here, the headache never leaves. 

After enough time passes, I sigh and lift my head to turn off the water, my hair is wet but I leave it in the bun on top of my head, the chill of the air outside the shower wraps around me as I step onto the blue bathroom tile, my skin coats itself in goosebumps but I don't rush for the towel, instead, I pause, looking in the mirror, my eyes are rimmed red and swollen contrasting against the green in my eyes, my skin is creased with lines from my bed, my brown hair is curling in places it's escaped the elastic. I look tired, I feel tired, I feel worse the tired, I feel like I have been hit by a bus, then a train. I feel like death, which is ironic really. I laugh to myself, wrapping my body in the soft white cotton of the towel. 

I walk the hall of the house quietly, careful not to wake my mum, I'm not sure if she sleeping, I'm not even sure she is home, but if she's finally sleeping again, I don't want to wake her. The wooden floorboards creak against my steps and cringe at the sound against the amplified silence, it's not until I reach the outside of my door that I hear it, the rustling, it's quick and almost panicked, my breath hitches. Someone has broken into my room, I'm in a towel, and someones stealing my stuff. Instead of stopping to think, to maybe yell for help or put some clothes on, I slam the door open. 

 Wide blue eyes meet mine and I begin to laugh, its croaky and sounds more like a cough after not talking to anyone in four days, but it feels good to laugh, like breathing. Megan laughs too, it is clouded with nervousness, then I see it, the suitcase behind her, my suitcase I keep on the top shelf of my wardrobe, it's laid on my bed filled with clothing, my clothing. 

"Megan..." I begin, but she rushes towards me, arms outstretched, engulfing me in a hug, I have to keep a hand latched to the towel to stop it from dropping from the force, but I wrap the free one lightly around my best friend. 

"Don't be mad" her voice shakes and she doesn't let me go. 

"I don't have the energy to be mad" I breath with half a laugh. "Are you stealing half my closet?"

"No, you have to promise you won't be mad" she finally lets me go once I begin to nod and perches herself on the bed, I walk into the closet, grabbing a new set of pajamas to change into. Her eyes follow me the whole way but it isn't until I close the door she begins to speak again. "I'm packing your stuff for the beach house, you're coming with me"

I breathe out hard, the wind knocked out of me. No. absolutely not. I open the door too hard and Megan's eyes are to the floor, she's fiddling with her fingers. 

"Why would you think I'd even go Meg" it comes out harsher than I mean it to, my voice is clumsy and I'm struggling to undo the panicked Knott in my stomach before I start to cry again. Damnit. 

Megan flinches slightly but lifts her eyes to mine "Because Luka" She breaths, searching for something to fill the space with "It's what we're supposed to do, it what we have always planned, this was supposed to be our last summer, remember how long we have planned this"

anger thrusts its way into my head and I'm speaking before I really even think about it "You think after everything, after all the shit in the last ten days, I would even consider leaving, he isn't even cold yet Megan" we are both crying and I instantly feel bad. "Meg, Jesus I'm sorry, I can't leave, I just panicked"