All This Time

Creative blocks suck

Hi MJ,

Thank you for letting me have the poster! Are you sure you don't want me to pay for it? I really don't mind. I don't want to seem like a freeloader, and I really believe that good art comes at a price, and artists need to be supported, too.

And what do you mean, I'm the first one who paid attention to what you made? You mean the first one who left a note, right? I know no one really looks at this board anymore, but surely some people would've stopped long enough to see this, at least.

I don't mean to invalidate what you said, though. I'm sorry if it sounded that way. (I could've erased that part and rewritten this note, but I don't think Kuya Efren would give me another piece of paper, so I have to deal with what's written in ink.) What I mean is, I think you have talent, and what you made was special enough to make a guy like me who barely texts his sisters to stop and write a note. I hope you're not being too hard on yourself.

Anyway, thank you again. I hope that this isn't the last time I'll see your work here? Do you have something new to post? I'll make sure to stop by this board to look at it every time.

- C

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Hello, C!

You're right—Kuya Efren is very meticulous with their supplies. I'm actually surprised that he gave you a piece of paper. One time, I had to borrow a pen from him, so I could sign for a package, and his eyes never left the pen the entire time. I gave it back to him before the delivery guy left—no reason to get on his bad side.

And no, don't worry, you didn't invalidate anything. To be honest, I'm just scared of the thought that people will see what I made. It's different when you're doing it for fun versus wanting to do it because you want to take it seriously and be taken seriously. That's really why I posted it here, where no one would really look. I kind of try to keep in mind that no one would see this or notice this just so I wouldn't be so anxious about it. And when I'm not worried about it, I kind of get to do more. Did that make sense?

But thank you for all that you said.

No, unfortunately, the next thing I'm working on is still not done. Trying to get through a little creative block at the moment. :( But...why didn't you get your poster yet? I really do mean that you can get it now, or anytime, really. If you changed your mind, it's okay, too.

MJ

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Hi MJ,

So now I'm writing this on my own paper, as you can see because I also want to stay on Kuya Efren's good side. Thank you for that tip.

I think I kind of understand what you're saying about not being used to your work being seen, or the anxiety of wondering if people hate it or what. It's kind of reflective of the general human experience, isn't it? We all want to be seen, but truly being seen means all our flaws will be visible, too. And that's really scary, so we pretend to not think about it so much, even if it really matters to us.

Now, I'm not an artist—and neither is anyone in my family; half of us are lawyers, and the other half are tech people—so I don't know exactly how it is for you. But speaking as one human being to another, I want to say that you're not alone.

So why didn't I get the poster yet? I just didn't want the board to be empty. I don't know; now that I've gotten used to seeing this one, I feel like not having something besides the building memos here would make it look...sad. But yes, I still want it. (And leaving a note here wouldn't be as conspicuous if the poster is still here.) Tell you what—once you have something new that you're ready to post, then I'll take this. Until then, this stays here. :)

Creative blocks suck. I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?

C

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Hello C,

Wow. I had to read what you wrote several times to really absorb it because...wow. That's such a great take—and it's true!

Yeah, it's terrible. You'd think it'd get easier now that I actually set out to do more art, but noooo. I'm super envious of other artists who just seem to produce things like they never run out of other ideas! Some days, I just spend hours and hours staring at my blank sketchbook. It's not that I never have ideas—sometimes it's just hard to put them on paper. I'd start something, then I'd think of something else, then I'd try again, and then I would hate it again, and it just goes on and on and on...!

My best friend told me that I should just chill out and not stress over the creating bit. She thinks I'm afraid—and you know what, she is actually right. I think it goes back to what you said about being seen. Like what you said, when I make art, it's a part of me, and putting it up means people can judge it, and it feels like they're judging me.

Have you ever felt that way? Does this happen in your field? You don't have to answer that last question if it's too intrusive, by the way. Or, if you don't want to answer that, any tips on how to make it easier for us to allow ourselves to be seen?

I honestly don't know how you can help, but if anything, writing it down like this feels good. Rereading what you said about not being alone also helps. And really, just the fact that you cared enough to write is a big thing already. So thank you. :)

MJ