The Dark of You (GxG)

53. I can't hurt you

The moment I stepped into the crowd, among the sharks that desire to swim in my father's pockets. I was stunned by the beauty—red roses decorated on the tables, crystal glasses in the hands of the wealthy. Lights dimmed so low it could have been mistaken by sundown. Music is so gentle and calm that dresses sway around the dancefloor as feet move slowly to the rhythm. Yet as much as this should warm me, it leaves me with despair. A longing that I have decided to ignore and shut out for the past few weeks has returned.

I shook the feeling off and straightened the curls out of the hem of the dress at my knees. The way the fabric clutches onto my skin around my waist and hips brings out the insecurities. Even though Jude convinced me so dearly or forced me to get it. I didn't like it at first as it was slightly tighter than I'm used to. However, Jude wouldn't let me go without it and I agreed in the end. 

"Hadley," I looked up at my father, who came towards me with his arms outstretched.

"You look wonderful," He sounded amazed and leaned in to place a kiss on my cheek. I didn't take the compliment to heart. I feel more uncomfortable in my own skin than I have ever been before. Almost as if I could have stood here all naked instead. 

"I'm delighted you could make it," He sounded so excited. 

"I know you don't want to be here, but it means a lot to me that you do," He smiled and offered his arm to me. I wrapped my own around his with hesitation as I was confused about his strange behavior. 

"What's with the roses?" I asked as we passed the tables. They radiant with beauty. 

"They were your mother's favorites," He answered and my legs stopped moving. He smiled apologetically at me. 

"I didn't know that," It hurt to admit that. I was young when my mother passed. I never got to know all her parts. There as so many pieces of her that have been left out. If only she were here. 

"You don't remember that there were always roses around the house?" He asked, baffled and led us to the dancefloor. I didn't really acknowledge that we were going to dance until he did. I don't think we have ever been this close, not since I was a child. However, then he was gone a lot as well, but he wasn't a broken man back then. 

"No, I don't," I admitted. Perhaps some memories must have slipped through. 

"She loved flowers," He smiled as if he was far away, gone to the past where our happiness was left behind. 

"I must ask," I breathed out nervously and he listened closely as we drifted along the floor. 

"I know I have begged you for years, but I'm asking again," I closed my eyes as I felt myself tremble. 

"Can we please stop with the guards," I asked and sadness crossed his face along with unease and worry. My heart sunk as the answer was visible across his face. 

"We can try," His response took me off guard. I never thought in a million years he would ever consider it. 

"Really?" Burts out of me and he nodded with a smile. The smile exposed care but fright along with it. 

"Yes," He confirmed and I smiled brighter than ever as if the shackles that had chained me to the ground for years finally rusted enough to let me go. 

"There is a gift for you," He added and to that, I stopped moving my feet, close to stumbled over my father.

"I don't want a gift, dad," I said as I found my footing again, but he shook his head at me.

"I didn't bring you a gift. It came knocking on my door," As the words left him, I frowned in confusion. He raised my hand in his and spun me around before I could ask what he was talking about. My father let go of my hand and once I had placed my feet, I found myself standing right in front of someone.  It wasn't until I looked upright that those pair of blue swallowed me whole—the way she always did. With hands hidden behind her back and a tilt of her head, she watched me patiently. No expression on her face, but as always, the glimmer in her eyes failed her. She can't fool me. I know that look of hers—the pain of longing and desire for something that's out of her reach.