Hostage

13

ELIZABETH SHELBY

My heart was racing. I was sitting on the edge of my bed and staring out the window. I could hear footsteps coming and I knew my father would be furious. And he was.

My father, Aunt Polly, Ada and John all came in, talking over each other. "Are you mad?" my father shouted. He stormed over and stood in front of me. I just stayed quiet and looked ahead at the floor. "You lied to me! You told me William Colby was a hostage. And John tells me that he wasn't. That he was an active member of the Colby gang. So tell me why you lied!" he shouted. "Thomas, I told you to stay calm." Polly said. "Tell me the truth, Beth! Now!" he shouted. My eyes filled with tears and I looked up at him. "I'm sorry," I said quietly. He sighed. "Tell me the truth," he said. "I loved him." I said. His face dropped. "What are you talking about?" he exclaimed. "He took care of me. He brought me food and water. He healed me, he kept me alive." I said. "He held you hostage. He raped you." my father yelled. "No, he didn't!" I yelled back. I stood up and pushed him away. "He didn't touch me, ever! He tried to save me!" I said. 'But he didn't. He could have told me where you were or called the police or helped you escape. But he didn't, did he?" he snapped. "He tried- it- it wasn't his fault." I said. "Yes, it was. You almost died because of them." he said. "Not Will. I loved him." I said. "No, you didn't." he said. "Yes, I did. And you killed him!" I said. "Beth, have you heard of Stockholm syndrome?" Ada asked. I looked at her. "No," I said. "It's a psychological condition kidnapping victims develop when being held hostage. They bond with their captors. The doctors think you have this." she said. My face dropped. I shook my head frantically. "No, you don't know what you're talking about. I loved him and he loved me." I said. "No! He didn't! He didn't love you! And you don't love him!" Tommy yelled. "What do you know about it? The only woman you ever loved was my mother and she is dead! Now Grace is here and I know you know she likes you. But you will never love her because you are a coward!" I yelled. His face dropped. "Don't tell me about love. Don't ever tell me about love. You don't even love me." I said. "That's not true," he said. "Really? It wasn't until I was kidnapped and you thought I was going to die that you told me you loved me. Before that... you never said it. Not once." I said. "Beth-" Polly started. "No! This all happened because of you, dad. It was your gang, your guns, your problems. But somehow I suffered because of it. You want to know what happened, dad? You want to know?" I yelled. "You said-" he started. "They raped me. Over and over again. They raped me until I was bleeding and I couldn't stand. They beat me until I passed out and then they did it again. If I wanted water or food, I had to earn it. I had to suck them off or I had to let him burn me with cigarettes. All because they wanted guns that you stole! You always wondered why I didn't want any part of your life, well this is why." I said. Everyone stared at me. My dads eyes were filled with tears and he looked pale. "But now I know it doesn't matter. Because no matter where I go and what I do, I will always suffer because of you. Because their biggest weapon against you will always be me." I said. "Beth, please-" Ada said. "I just wished they knew you didn't really love me, maybe then they'd find someone else to ruin." I snapped. He stared at me. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "Will is the only reason I'm alive right now. You didn't know him, but you didn't care. You killed him anyway. I only wish it was me." I said. Then I just walked out. I walked out of the hospital in my shoes and my nightgown. I wandered through the streets and found myself at the cemetery. A worker pointed me over to the newest graves and I found Will's name. Tears fell to my cheeks and I sat down. I was shivering from the cold and crying for hours. I felt awful. Will is dead, I yelled at my dad and I am scared. I'm scared I'll be ruined forever. That I'll never be the same after what happened. I just want to go back to how things were. I want my life back.

Then I saw my father walking over. He looked at me with sorrow on his face and sat down next to me. He took off his blazer and placed it over me. I looked at him and he sighed. "I'm sorry, Beth," he said. "Dad-" I started. "I failed you. I killed your friend. You suffered because of my wrongdoings. I didn't protect you and I didn't save you. And I didn't take care of you like a father should." he said. "Dad, it's ok." I said. "It's not. You were right. I should have said it more. I do love you. You're my daughter. You're all I have, of course I love you." he said. I nodded. "But I need you to understand something, something important," he said. I looked at him. "I appreciate that William helped you and protected you when I couldn't. I do. But that wasn't love." he said. "But I-" I started. "It wasn't. You were traumatized and hurt and scared and he was there and he was kind.  But that wasn't real love and you need to know that." he said. "He saved my life." I said. "He also endangered it." he said. He looked at me and sighed. "Beth, please." he said. I nodded. "I know, dad." I said. I wiped my tears. "I needed to love him. It was the only thing that gave me strength." I said. "I understand. But it's over now, and I'm going to be here. I'm not going anywhere. We'll get through this, I will get you through this." he said. I gave him a small smile. "I love you, Beth. You have to know that." he said. "I do. I love you too." I said.