The Missing Years - a kissing booth fan fiction

Empty

Noah

Lee called me after Elle had woken up. He'd been dispatched to get food, which sounded like a good sign. We both felt guilty about our last phone call and I appreciated him giving me the heads up that Elle was okay, even if he wasn't overly convincing.

"Noah, it really scared the shit out of me, man. When I got there and saw her in the hospital bed... she looked so thin and pale... I held her hand and it was so cold."

This was not giving me peace of mind.

"It reminded me of when we would go with Elle to visit her mom in the hospital that last year."

I could picture exactly what he was saying. Joni had been sick for four years before she passed away, and the last year had been particularly awful. It was killing me to think about Elle like that, and what might have happened if Mom hadn't found her.

Nope, that train of thought was not helping. I started pacing between the door and the window, my shoulders and jaw tight.

"But she is okay, right?"

"Well, the bump on her head isn't serious but we're waiting for the doctor to explain all the blood tests."

"Right."

"Look Noah, I know you still care about Elle, okay? I will let you know as soon as I find out more. I've got this. I'm not going anywhere until I know she's going to be alright."

"Thanks bro." I couldn't say anything else, my throat was so tight.

I spoke to Mom that night, told her I'd been in touch with Lee and she brought me up to speed with what the doctor had said to Elle and her dad. I told her that I still wanted to come home when the weather cleared but she surprised me then.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Noah. You know I wish I could see you, I miss you terribly. But if you come back now you won't be able to help yourself. You'll end up trying to swoop in and save the day. And I'm sure Elle would love that. Until you have to pack up and leave again. It's not fair to either of you, Noah, but especially not to Elle right now."

I was stunned, but in the end I had to agree. My urge to protect Elle was too strong and what she needed protecting from right then more than anything was me.

So I intruded upon her as little as I could stand to. I sent a bouquet of her favorite candies (which I knew she'd like far more than flowers) with a short message I hoped she would appreciate. I was rewarded a day later with a picture of some empty wrappers and a message.

Elle: thanks it was delicious. About your lack of superpowers, maybe you need to upgrade from the boxers to the full suit 😉

I chuckled to myself, feeling lighter than I had for a long time. It was nice to think back to before Elle and I became so complicated. When she had seen me in my superman boxers the morning after I'd saved her from stripping off and going skinny dipping at that party her junior year.

Then it struck me. My Mom had warned me against playing Superman, trying to swoop in and save Elle, and now Elle herself was encouraging it. I couldn't win. I decided not to overthink my response and just go with some old-school Noah and Elle banter.

Me: Nah, cosplay is more Lee's thing. P.S. don't share your candy with him.

Elle: Not a chance! He tried to make me ration it out so I've hidden the rest from him.

I figured I should probably leave it there.

Me: Merry Christmas Elle x

Elle: Merry Christmas Noah x

I kept loose tabs on Elle over the next few months through Mom and Lee. I sent her a good luck message when she started at USC. Mostly though, I tried to follow my mom's advice and leave well enough alone.

Between rehab on my ankle, the pile of assignments and reading that never seem to get smaller and catching up with friends I'd long neglected, I kept myself busy. Girls still flirted with me the way they always had, and some times I found myself flirting back, more out of habit than desire for anything more.

I spent spring break in the Hamptons with Chloe at one of her friend's houses and went on a few dates. It wasn't like I didn't have a good time, I just always put a stop to things early on because there was something missing. Contrary to my high school reputation, I wasn't the kind of guy to lead girls on.

In my loneliest moments I peeked at Elle's instagram, seeing a growing number of new faces in her life. She was playing soccer again and still seemed to be a fierce competitor. Her team was doing well, and there were lots of celebratory selfies with her smiling face in them. There were pics of her with her classmates, lying out on the grass in the sun between classes. There were too many guys in those photos for my liking, but none of the faces seemed to be more favored than any of the others.

I was glad that Elle seemed to be in a good place, that her life was moving forward, but at the same time I couldn't help being sad that I wasn't a part of it anymore. I guess at the end of the day I figured as long as she was happy and healthy, I had to be okay with the fact that my life would always be a little bit empty without her.