Assault With a Deadly Weapon || N.H / 1D

58.

Song recommendation: Angel Down by Lady Gaga
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I've always said that being a pessimist is the easy way out in life. If you expect the worst, it dilutes the impact of the worst when it actually arrives.

Of all the times where I've thought the worst was on the horizon, it turned out to be no more than a bump in the road. Working with Niall? Didn't turn out so bad. Being the only female detective? I made it work. Going undercover in the mafia? Not the best, but it definitely could be worse. So, does my theory of pessimism really work? Or were those instances just disguised as the worst case scenarios?

Time to find out.

When I saw my last name on that file, my brain wasn't quite sure how to react. I had that feeling, you know the one. Where you've just heard the worst news, and a wave of complete and utter dread washes over you, leaving you paralyzed. My heart fluttered, adrenaline coursed through my veins, and I immediately felt my chest tighten. Why did Julian have this document, and what was the outcome of the mission?

I knew the answer to one of those questions.

This mundane piece of cream coloured cardstock was my confirmation that my family was involved with the Court of Four Thorns. I'd always had my suspicions, but part of me didn't want to believe it. If my parents were dead, I wanted the car wreck to have been an accident, but that seems unlikely now that I knew someone had been watching them. The car wreck was planned. If my parents and brother were dead, then it wasn't an accident, it was a murder.

If my family was being watched, what if the organization knew about me? They must have. If they knew where my parents and brother were located, they had to have known me as a child. That raised another set of questions.

Why did they spare me, do they recognize me now, and if they do, why haven't they killed me yet?

I had these heavy questions swarming my brain like a hive of furious hornets. I was waiting for them to sting, maybe I'd finally get an answer from them. It was paralyzing. I couldn't move from my spot on the floor of the office. I could barely remember to breathe. Everything that had previously been involuntary, now felt like I needed to force it to happen. If I didn't tell my heart to beat, I'm sure it would've stopped.

When my sanity came back to me, when the hornets finally quieted down a little, I took a shaky breath through my mouth, and brought my hand away from Niall's hair. I looked to our bag of sickness supplies, then to the file in my hand, and back to the bag. This was going to be a risky decision, but it was necessary. Selfish sure, but sometimes it's okay to be selfish. This was a situation where I needed to know what happened. Gran would've wanted me to steal the file.

So I did.

I stuffed it in the bag without waking up Niall or Harry. Nobody would know. I needed this file.

Then, by that point in the night, we were done. We could go back home.

"Niall." I dragged my fingernails gently across the back of his neck. "Babe." No response. The cough syrup made him such a heavy sleeper. "Nialler." I hummed, touching his cheek softly.

His eyes fluttered open, looking up into mine.

"You're done?" He asked in a sleepy voice.

"Mhm." I nodded, moving a piece of hair away from his forehead. "How are you feeling?"

"Sick." He sniffled. "But I'll never complain about waking up to this." He smiled.

I kissed his forehead, trying to ignore the impending sense of dread that had settled in the depths of my stomach.