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trigger warnings: child abuse, self harm, drug use (weed)
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The two had made one promise when starting their relationship. That day, when feelings had been shamefully exchanged, when eyes had flooded with anxious tears, when Travis was taken into Larry's arms and comforted profusely before they had taken any other steps, the two had made a promise. One single spoken promise, mixed amongst all the unsaid ones.
No one can know we're together.
That promise had been stated for many reasons. Larry didn't want the gang to know that he was with the guy he had pretended to hate for so long. He'd shamed Sal many times for seeing any sort of good in Travis, so for Larry to turn around and date him? He'd be a hypocrite. Of course, just because he wasn't telling anyone doesn't mean that he's not a hypocrite. But it does mean no one other than Travis and himself knows he's a hypocrite.
Another reason had been for Travis' safety. If his father were to ever find out he was with a boy? Oh, he'd probably never see the light of day again. Though he had never directly stated he was gay, Kenneth had always suspected, and Travis suffered long and hard for it. He suffered beatings so harsh that even Satan himself would look down on Kenneth for dealing them, especially to a poor child, for something he couldn't even control.
There were a few more reasons, but those were the main ones. The two didn't want the people in their lives to know of their relationship. It was a mutual agreement, one neither of them showed any interest in disagreeing to. Travis had mentioned it, and Larry had eagerly nodded and agreed to it. The promise was mutually beneficial, why should either of them say no?
And yet, despite that, Travis hadn't realized just how painful this would be. It was, of course, painful before, leaving biting words and harsh punches just hovering in the air between he and Larry, between he and his crush, wouldn't exactly feel great. But this was a whole new pain. Travis now knew that Larry shared his feelings. He now knew the two had something between them.
That just made it hurt worse. After the two called each other names, maybe threw a few punches if they thought no one was believing the act, they'd go days without speaking. Mostly just because there was no way they could. Hanging out outside of school was too risky, as was Larry coming over to Travis' or Travis going over to Larry's. If one were to follow the other after a fight, Sal and the others would have millions of questions.
Sometimes they'd go weeks with nothing more than angry exchanges. It made Travis doubt. All he ever had to do at home to pass the time was think, as no sort of technology or books other than what was doled out by the school and the Bible was allowed in his house.
So he would think. He would think of something Larry had stated during the fight, and he would get caught up on that one thing. Whether it be a remark about his hair, something about his home life, or even just a simple I fucking hate you!, it was easy to overthink the statements.
Travis tried his best to ignore it. To ignore the nagging, the doubt, the sadness that loomed over him, that came from the thinking. But it was hard. So fucking hard.
