Euphoria // 𝐘𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐚 𝐁𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐚

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟏, 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲.

She didn't mean to kill them.

She didn't want to.

But her mentors smile made her do it. The subtle nod of her head made the noise of their bones cracking that less terrifying. With a simple move, their body lay numb on the floor. But it wasn't even the fact that they were dead, in fact, that didn't bother her at all. It was the way they stared at her as they lay at her feet.

Their lifeless, bulging eyes staring into her stilled and unbothered ones. She trailed her gaze up and down their body. Their skin looked fake, like wax. Maybe it was. Maybe they were playing with her head again, like they always did. And it didn't matter what she did to fight them, the fear always came back. The one that made her breathing hitch and her fingers twitch.

She turned her head, unable to look at the corpse any longer.

If she didn't look at it, it wasn't there.

"Look at them."

Her eye flinched but she didn't move.

If she moved, she would see it. It would become real.

"Inessa, I said look at them."

Her eyes trailed to her mentors face first before she could look back down. There was something about her face that made everything more painful. More real. But that was exactly what she needed. Reassurance. Even if it was the bad kind. Even when it was reassurance that murder was okay.

Inessa brought her gaze back down. Their red hair was the only lively thing left but it would probably start to decay soon. The ping of guilt that flooded her body made it impossible to keep still. She tried to tense her jaw into tricking her own mind into not shaking, but it just made her tremor worse.

She could tell that they were a bit older, even with the pale skin they presented. In a way, she was glad she didn't know who they were. That would of made it unbearably real, even if her mentor wasn't standing in the room.

"I want you to stare at them until you can no longer see the green in their eyes,"

She knew her mentor wanted her to feel proud. She'd been teaching her how to do so for months before her test, but it was difficult to feel pride when she just snapped someone's neck; when she just took a life that might as well of been her.

She looked at their pupils, taking in every single detail or their irises before they disappeared. It could of been Inessa on the floor as they looked at her fading blue eyes instead-

And then it hit her. She had been training for this since she was six. She couldn't let her heart over speak her mind. It wasn't her mentor standing in the room, forcing her to look at the dead person she just killed that made this real. It wasn't the person as her feet, skin already white that made this real.

It was her. Inessa made it reality. And she had to be strong. Fearless. Relentless. She had to be complaisant and determined in order to win the actual fight she had to endure later; Life

Yet, even though Inessa now understood her task. Her fate. She found herself getting soft for the last time in her life. When she was sure she could no longer see any colour in their face; no details in their eyes, she looked up at her mentor.

"What was their name?" She tried her best to speak clearly, her features remained straight but her tone wavered nonetheless.

Her mentors hair waved in the air when she scoffed and spun to leave the room, raising an eyebrow over her shoulder.

"Sofia, what does it matter?"

To say that name had stuck was an understatement. It stuck to her like glue. It was constantly poking at her throat. She didn't even feel good enough to say it out loud, throat tightening every time she attempted to.