No More Ghosts: Chapter One

Arriving back at Sparkhouse Farm, John half-helped, half-lifted Carol from the Land Rover - Lisa put her arm around her, "C'mon, let's get you into a nice, hot bath," she whispered soothingly, gently rubbing her shoulder as she steered her into the farmhouse.

John stood in the kitchen, listening to Lisa's steady stream of chatter as she fussed around Carol upstairs. He leant heavily on the edge of the sink and stared out of the window, his mind simultaneously blank and teaming with muddled thoughts.

Raised by his grandfather, John was a fairly old-fashioned man, who had had little to do with the opposite sex. Now he had a new wife who was grieving for her dead teenage sweetheart and a stepdaughter who had both found and lost her father in the space of a few days. John didn't know where to start processing the thoughts that were going through his own head, let alone second-guess Carol and Lisa's deepest feelings. So he did what he had always done in times of turmoil. Shutting the door quietly behind him, he headed out into the fields searching for the toughest physical job he could find.

Upstairs, Lisa had managed to coax Carol both into and out of a hot bath, helped her into a pair of pyjamas and begun to steer her into the direction of the master bedroom. For the first time that day however, Carol would not let herself be guided. Gently shrugging off Lisa's hand she turned and headed for her childhood bedroom at the opposite end of the landing, where she curled up in the foetal position on the old, wrought iron bedstead and stared blankly out of the window and over the moors.

Even at 12 years old, Lisa could sense that her staying would neither help nor hinder Carol's present frame of mind, so she draped the duvet over her silent form and quietly left the room.

When John returned at dusk, he found Lisa doodling at the kitchen table. His heart went out to her, knowing as he did the pain of losing a parent at such a tender age. He pulled out the chair next to her and sat down.

"I'm sorry," he said, eyes downcast. 

"What for?" asked Lisa, genuinely surprised. 

"You only just found out Andrew was your Dad," John struggled to get the words out, "I expect you'd have liked the chance to get to know him better, and now..." 

"S'alright I guess," shrugged Lisa, "You can't miss what you've never had, and if he'd wanted to be a dad he wouldn't have buggered off to Uni and married someone else. Still at least..." she stopped abruptly. 

"At least what?" queried John. 

"Nothing," she stuttered, flushing a little. "What's for tea?" 

As she moved to get up, John took her hand and pulled her back. 

"Lisa, we're family now - a strange one, I'll grant you, but family all the same. So I'll tell you the same as I told Carol," he paused, "Never think you can't tell me things." 

Lisa sat, motionless for a minute. When she looked up at John she was smiling but there were tears in her eyes. 

"I was just going to say...at least I'm here 'cos they were mad about each other, not 'cos of some stupid fumble or something," she sighed, "But that's probably not what you want to be hearing right now."

He gave her a brief, rueful smile. "I've always known what I was signing up for," he reassured her, "Now, I'm off to the chippy - go and check on Carol and see if she wants anything will you?"

Late that evening when the plates and cups were washed up and Lisa was in bed, John finally went to check on Carol.

She hadn't wanted fish and chips so he'd warmed up some soup, which Lisa had taken up to her. It sat, cold and untouched on the chest of drawers beneath the window. As John went to collect it he could see that Carol was fast asleep, her eyes tightly closed against the pain of the previous 24 hours. He pulled the duvet a little higher and tucked it around her slim shoulders, then sat on the edge of the bed.

John had always struggled to express himself. He'd not met enough people to be confident and feared his lack of education made him sound foolish when he talked at any length. It has always been slightly easier with Carol, but now...

He knew nothing he could do or say would change how she was feeling, and he took her hand in his and told her as much, and that whenever she was ready he would be there for her, whatever she needed and however long it took.

As he made his way back to the bedroom they had briefly shared, he reflected that he would never have been able to say those things to Carol's face, but he was glad to have gotten them off his chest all the same.

A few feet away, Carol lay in the dark, her eyes wide open - and finally, the tears came.