Laundry Boy

Unfortunate Underwear

Aspen recalls the parties she attended in middle-school: parent chaperoned, awkward boys, and stolen kisses. But, what she remembers the most vividly was having the most horrifyingly humiliating experience at one of these parties.

It was her first party and it was a Mike Malkovich party which were notorious for being “wild” –which really meant that his parents would be locked in their rooms and not watching the kids like hawks.

For Aspen, the party started out just fine. No one talked to her and she stayed huddled up close to the wall for a good majority of the party. It wasn’t until she felt something hot and slimy slither down her leg that she caused a scene.

She screamed that she was dying; that something had to be seriously wrong with her because blood was coming out of her private area. Everyone pretty much stared at her; the boys were panicking, but the girls were all looking at her with knowing and slightly amused grins. It wasn’t until Mike’s mom came downstairs and explained what was happening that she stopped screaming.

They called her fire crotch for the rest of the year. Not very original, but did the job.

Aspen had always considered the first time she got her monthly visitor to be the most embarrassing moment of her life, but she now knew that her thirteen year old self had a big storm coming. This moment beat that one by a long shot.

“I-I… I uh… Not-not what this looks like… I was…” Aspen fumbles for any kind of excuse to offer up to the handsome stranger, but she knows how this looks. She looks like a panty sniffer.

Aspen takes two large steps away from the stranger’s laundry, her cheeks blazing and her eyes dancing around wildly. All the while, the man keeps his steady chestnut eyes trained on her, a slight smirk tugging up his plump lips. Aspen gulps wildly at the sight and stuffs her hands into her hoodie’s pockets, suddenly very aware that she looks like the homeless people she just gave her money to.

“If you wanted to get in my pants, all you had to do was ask.” He was clearly joking, but the annoyance laced in his voice was barely veiled. Aspen’s jaw dropped at his cocky statement and she bumped into one of the dryers in an attempt to increase their distance as the man sauntered up to the folding table.

How dare he say such a crude remark to a stranger! Aspen though indignantly before shaking her head, you’re one to talk Aspen Marie. He just caught you knee-deep in his underwear.

“Should I just take off the boxers I’m wearing right now or do you want to wait for my next laundry day to steal them, pervy girl?” A devilish grin takes up his face and he places his hand under his chin as if actually contemplating her answer.

Aspen rarely gets the urge to choke the life out of another person. Hell, she hasn’t had that urge in years, but she suddenly finds herself imagining what it would be like to wrap her manicured hands around his neck. Aspen had never encountered someone so crass in her lifetime and she finds herself wanting to break all of her rules on good karma just to tell him off.

But, she pushes Rebel Aspen back into her cage and locks the door –choosing to be the bigger person here.

“I was not trying to steal your underpants. I thought your basket was mine because I was distracted. Don’t flatter yourself. What kind of self-respecting man wears boxers with cartoon smooched lips all over them, anyway?” Dammit Rebel Aspen –she must have jiggled the cage slightly loose.

The man raises his brow at her words, clearly surprised and obviously unembarrassed at her dig. If anything he looks extremely amused at her quick wit and even whistles slightly once she finishes.